Kabanata 1,2,3 at Rebisco fillings

Kabanata 1-Same Old Brand New Day
       Hindi naman ito isang remarkable na araw. Actually, isa itong nakakagutom at nakakapagod na araw ng paulit-ulit na pagtuturo ng maikling kwentong, "The Mats" ni "Manong Frank". Isang nakakagutom na araw ng paulit-ulit na meeting, na itinago pa sa elias na emergency o kung minsan ay sa AKA na special. Isang nakakagutom na araw ng paulit-ulit na pasok at labas sa faculty room o sa mismong mga klasrum na may halong panlalamig ng buong katawan dulot ng 16 degrees na temperatura ng aircon na kung wala pang mangangahas o kunwari ay mahihiya na magsabi sa kung sinuman na hindi tinatamad o kung sinuman na malapit sa remote o sa pihitan sa aircon ay saka pa lang magdudulot ng kaunting init sa katawan para sa mga taong unti-unti nang sinasanay ang katawan sa lamig ng artificial na hangin at ni hindi na naiinitan ang mga likod ng tunay na sikat ng araw. 

              Kabanata 2-Pagbasag sa Paulit-ulit na Scenario
          Ito'y isa lamang nakakagutom na araw at paulit-ulit. Kaya masisisi mo ba ako kung maghanap ang mga mata ko ng ibang tanawin. Masisisi mo ba ako kung bigla akong akitin ng biscuit na nakasuksok sa harapang bulsa ng mukhang mamahalin pero sa katotohanan ay mumurahin mong bag. Kaya nga sa bigla mong pagpasok ay siya ko namang biglang pagtanong kung pwede makahingi ng biscuit. Agad ka namang tumugon, "Sige, get one." And so I did. Ecstatic and relieved. Matutugunan na ang lumalaki kong gutom. Maiibsan na ang pagka-inis sa paulit-ulit na buhay dahil chocolate flavored ang biscuit. "Chocolates give prothrombin which gives out happy hormones", sabi nga ng mga scientists. 
               Kabanata 3-Tres Passing

              Kaya kinuha ko agad ang biscuit at inilagay sa aking table sa tabi ng laptop na noon ay kasalukuyang ginagamit ng ating fellow teacher. Bubuksan ko na sana ang biscuit pero kinailangan ko lumabas ng sandali. Hindi. Hayaan mong ulitin ko. Lumabas ako saglit. 
          Walang malay. Ni sa hinagap ay hindi ko inisip na sa aking pagbukas ng pintuan, papasok ulit sa malamig na kuwarto, ay agad na tatambad sa aking mga mata ang bukas na biscuit. Ang masakit pa ay bawas na ito ng isang pilas. Masisisi mo ba ako kung bigla na lang ako mag-freak out. Dahil ramdam ko na ang malaking gutom kasabay ng pagkayamot sa paulit-ulit na routine na talaga namang nakakapagod. Nakakainis. Nakayayamot isipin na parang pinaglalaruan ako ng salarin o mga salarin na nakapaligid sa pinagdikit-dikit na mga tables and chairs. Nag-iwan pa ng ebidensiya na talagang binuksan nga ang  

biscuit. Iniwan pa ang pabalat sa bandang kanang dulo ng table ko na kung uupo ako agad ay siyang masisilayan agad ng aking mga mata na nagpapa-alala na dalawang pilas na lang ang tutugon sa aking malaking gutom. 
                       Kabanata 4- Ang Simula ng Pagsisinungaling

                       Isang malaking freak out mula sa akin na sinagot ng isang wagas na tawa mula sa isa sa pinaghihinalaang salarin. 'Yun lang ang isinagot mo sa akin. Wagas na tawa lang ang ibinigay mo sa akin. Habang unti-unti mong sinasambit  ang hinahabi na istorya na sa tingin mo ay  siyang magbibigay ng alibi sa krimen na iyong ginawa. Maiintindihan ko pa kung magpaalam ka sa akin na nais mo pa ng isa. Hindi naman ako ganoon kadamot upang hindi magbigay ng isang bagay na hiningi ko lang din.  
                       Kabanata 5- Ang Paglilitis
                       Bagaman ayaw kita isipan ng masama, ay ayaw din naman maalis sa isip ang posibilidad. Oo, ikaw na malayo sa pinangyarihan ng krimen. Ikaw na hindi mahilig sa chocolate. Ikaw na may alibi. Hindi. Hindi nga ikaw ang salarin. Base sa iyong mga sagot sa tanong, magaling ka. Hindi maikakaila ang iyong kagalingan sa "bluffing". Mambobola. Ngunit sa tinagal-tagal ng paglilitis, ay sadyang nahuhuli din ang isda sa kanyang sariling bibig. 
                       Kabanata 6- Ang Pag-amin.
                       Sa hinaba-haba man ng paglilitis sa pag-amin din ang tuloy. Dahil nahuli na nga ang isda, ay wala na itong nagawa kundi ang pag-amin. Umamin ka na mula sa kasalanan na iyong ginawa. Kasalanan na dulot ng matinding gutom dulot ng nakakagutom, nakakapagod, at paulit-ulit na araw. Masisisi ba kita kung talagang gutom ka lang mula sa isang nakakapagod na araw? Masisisi ba kita kung  nabitin ka sa isang strawberry Rebisco para sa laking tao mong iyan? Masisisi ba kita kung akitin ka ng isang nananahimik na chocolate Rebisco na inilapag ko sa table ko?
                      Huling Kabanata 7- Ang Konsensya
                            Ang hatol. Pasalamat pa at sadyang malambot ang puso ng biktima na hindi na nagawa pang magparusa. Ngunit sa isang banda ay salamat na din at ang ina ang siyang nagbigay hatol ng pagtatakwil. Marahil ay hindi nakayanan ng iyong puso ang nagawang krimen kung kaya kinabukasan ay naghandog ka ng isang Rebisco strawberry sa biktima. Agad namang tinanggap ng biktima ang suhol. Bagaman hindi maiaalis ang katotohanan na hindi na maibabalik ng isang bagong bagay ang nawala na anuman ang pagkakatulad nito sa dati.

*para kay Jef, salamat sa kapilyuhan at sa Rebisco at
para kay Collie, salamat sa Creative non-fiction ideas
para sa inyong dalawa, salamat sa gabi ng iyak-tawa. 
                               

  

Different Yet The Same

         I can't help looking at this new student of mine. She's a sweet petite freshman girl. Whenever my eyes fall on her, memories flash back of my previous student last year for she is also a sweet petite freshman girl then. However, this new student of mine is a bit short in stature than that of my former student. This new student seems to be diligent in her studies, responsible and quite smart. Unlike my former student whose everyday existence in my class proved to be a nuisance. She is a sweet girl and that's all she could offer me and my subject. But I really cannot help comparing their sweetness towards people. No comparison needed. It's just the same. In order to fight the grueling gaze of my eyes over this new student simultaneously teaching a class of forty, I finally had the courage to ask her of any relation to my former student. With her sweet gentle voice, she uttered that she was indeed her elder sister. So, that's why!

           After barely a month of teaching on my sophomore year, I came to discover that more and more of my new students are actually siblings of my former third year students. Maybe, that's why, I can't help myself looking at them. Maybe, that's why, I can't help myself but remember my former students through looking at them. It maybe superficial and physical. But my students now remind me of my start as a teacher. Funny as it may seem, but my students now reminded me of my flaws as a teacher, of my mishaps, of my shortcomings. They reminded me of my frustrations, and my disappointments. They remind me of my regrets of the days which will never be turned back. Mistakes undone. Learnings unlearned. Time wasted. Wherein now could result to a multiplicity of flaws, of mishaps, of shortcomings, of frustrations, and of disappointments. It could result to another cycle of mistakes undone, learnings unlearned, and a life wasted if I would not change my ways. And so it is said that once is enough for a wise man. I am now given another shot to change the lives of these little ones. I may see in them their elder siblings with sameness in physical attributes but I think I should be contented in thinking that still they are unique in their own way. That I may have failed to bring out the best of their elders, but I'd like to believe that I'm still not late to change the course of their destinies laid out into my hands. That they may belong to the same brood but still they are different. And I am different now. I should.  

May 17,2011- Youth first, then Love, finally Life.

Dear Journal,

                I just wanted to tell you how I came up with my outlook in life now.

I guess, with the conditions I had when I was a child made me who I am now-an idealistic woman. Why do I find it difficult to accept unexpected pregnancies, babies out of wedlock?

 I believe that as a woman, you owe to yourself to take care of yourself. If in case, you are a woman who is committed to a romantic relationship you must somehow have a grasp if your partner is a sexist or what. As a woman, you must be able to discern if your partner is one who is easily aroused by mere visual image of a woman. I’m not saying that committed people should not engage in sex. If both of them felt like doing it, at a particular day and time, then, so be it. It’s just that for me, if men would always say ”na nabibitin sila kung may suot na condom ”, I believe as a woman, you owe yourself to preserve yourself. “Eh, di ikaw bilang babae, protect yourself, use contraceptives, use pills” As a woman, you should, and must not depend on men, or your partner, for your own protection. You must protect yourself because you solely hold yourself. Kaya, truly, magalit na ang magalit sa akin, but I believe that getting pregnant outside marriage and contraceptives is truly a lapse in judgment. I mean, tao ang mga babae, at bilang tao we are given by God the brain and the conscious mind to think. We are not created as jelly fish. Fortunately for jelly fish they somehow know when to shy away from the net considering the fact that they do not have brains. Pardon my word, but I believe that stupidity runs in a woman who gets herself pregnant at this modern day and age where cheap condoms and other contraceptives are available.

I’m thinking I started to have this perspective on life, sex, relationship, and child-bearing the night Cathy made the shocking announcement. Then, ate nini got pregnant too. Then, Ivy soon follows their roster of women getting pregnant. And then the most recent is Viel. Honestly, I do not cry for these women, which I think most of my friends would assume. In fact, I cry for their babies. In the first place, what made me decide to leave my family? The very reason is that I cannot tolerate the situation. It is just way too much for me to bear. It pains me whenever I hear the newborn baby cry- my nephew. My turning point is that one night, I heard Jacob cry, and suddenly there was a gush of flash forwards. Jacob already graduated from high school and much as he would like to go to college, he cannot, his parents cannot, which in whatever way you look is a right of every child-the right to education. This is the very same reason; I had my two-year “civil war” with Papa. I find it difficult to accept the fact that my father who I see as the strong one cannot bring me to college, his own daughter, that I know he knew is what I love most-to study. It pains my heart to hear the baby cry. It’s heartbreaking. Parents should be the one to show to their children that life on earth is beautiful. But how can it be beautiful if everything started as a mistake, as a lapse in judgment? Good for those women who were able to redeem themselves from their past mistake. But what if you got succumb to your damnation? The setback is that the partners are not the only ones to have the problem; they have their child, who is growing and growing in a continuous manner- a human being.  

*pasintabi sa mga babaeng pinagsabay timbangin ang puso at isip

April 9, 2011- What Kind of Fool I am and the movie, Stranger than Fiction

I just finished watching Stanger than Fiction, it’s a movie about a fictional character of a novelist, which happens to be a real person in real life. The ending was good. I liked how the novelist managed to put everything contrary to what the readers/audience would expect. The dialogue was beautifully done. What struck me most about the ending are the lines. “The moment we lose ourselves from fear and despair is the moment we feel that everything is okay.” Most of the time, I think to myself when can I lose myself in life. Say for example, when I can have the courage to do things. When can I just fall in love? When can I be just in love with someone? I guess what’s holding me back really is my mindset that people, once they fall in love, it will result to mediocrity. Mabobobo ka, once you fall in love. You can’t help it. It’s just in the nature of things. Your body cannot function following two major organs at the same time, which is, of course, the brain and the heart. And because I believe myself to be smart, I don’t want to be a mediocre. Though, as I have said, many times, it’s a big “what if” in my life to see myself lose myself. Will I be able to go back to my smart self? Or will I be just like kuya and ate who got rotten after falling in love? Will I regret having to lose myself? Or will I be glad that I finally did? These are the recurring questions that come up as I continue to journey on my life, my lovelife. 

April 2, 2011-Mama, Mama, I am sick.

Medz is not feeling well today. This is the time when I remember the main reason why I do not want to live alone and away from my family or at most be away from Mama. Siyempre, kami-kame lang roommates ang magkakasama, persons who do not know first aid, and medicine needed for a specific ailment. Those are just few of the things that only mothers know best. I do not want to live away from Mama. Iba pa rin when you are sick and your mother takes care of you. Nothing beats a mother’s loving and caring touch and so they say. That’s why I do not want to live alone, it’s very sad. Nakakaiyak. You have a family and yet you cannot hold on to them when you need them, emotionally, physiologically.  No one takes care of you. You’re too weak to shout that you need their care. You badly need them to take care of you. You need them to remind you that it’s time to take your medicine, to ask them to buy food from Jollibee because you feel like eating burger. And suddenly, you realize those are just imagination if you have high fever, you may call it, hallucination when you live alone. At the end of the grueling heat of your body, you can only reminisce the times when you are home and feverish and your mother touches your forehead. You can only reminisce. That’s all you can do and nothing more. Maybe, if you’re really weak, self-pity will only make things worse. Somehow, I felt, for one day how it is for people abroad to be away from their families. I bet whenever they get sick, they have no choice but to entrust their selves with strangers- they call friends, or else they’ll be dead. Good thing, nothing grave happens. I pray that Medz will feel better by morning because if not, I don’t know what to do. I’m the type of person pa naman, who feezes in situations that calls for presence of mind and grace under pressure. Tsaka, I’m also thinking that I want to take care of Mama in return. She has suffered a lot, much more sacrificed a lot. I’m really grateful that God has given me a strong mother actually, an enduring mother.  

*para kay Mama and to all those caring mothers out there

March 13, 2011-TV Marathon

Last Friday, I went to sleep over Ms. Camacho’s house. Apparently, her mother went to Bulacan which means that she will be alone in the house. So, I took advantage of the opportunity to watch television there, I mean, to catch-up. Incidentally, there was news of the disaster that hit Japan, of the tsunami that might also reach the Philippine shores. It’s a good thing that channel 11 went on with the news. In times like this, God holds the remote control. Everything else is inevitable. What will happen will happen. “kung oras mo na, oras mo na”, You cannot cheat from death.

I then, realized yung TV pala parang si mama; or sige, parang pamilya ko. Kaya kong mabuhay ng walang Tv, pero mas masaya ako kung may TV.

Dec19, 2010-A Day with St. Claire

I, together with Collie and Ice went to Sta. Clara to say thanks for the result of the LET. Aside from that, I prayed for God’s or Sta. Clara’s divine intervention into my life. I’m not actually asking for a man- for that “someone special” to come into my life. To be honest, I asked that they intercede to give me courage. Yes, I think that is what I need in my life-Courage, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of many things. I’m afraid with many things. I’m afraid of heights, of failure, of pain of heartbreak, of giving birth, of raising children, of not be able to give them what they want much more what they need, most of all, I’m afraid to fall- in love. I prayed that God will help me find my own strength to accept the realities of life, that despite my ideal self, I would be able to embrace reality that would later on lead to love- loving myself, and in return love somebody else, everybody else. I’m putting my faith in God- whatever His plans are. I’m not in a hurry. After all, I have learned to believe that God will always not give you what you want, but He will only give you what you deserve. 

Oct 25,2010- One Commute Day

After the Sudden Rain

All it takes 

should be approximately

half a minute.

To swiftly jump on the jeepney’s bumper;

Half of his body -

on the bumper,

The other half-

dangling beside the wheel

To splash on that sewage water

with specks of detergent

To scrub it in, scrub it out;

With that antique rag,

Simultaneously looking anxiously

for the sudden change of lights

Scrub it in, scrub it out;

as if the dirt had not been washed away

by the sudden gush of the heavy rain.   

Went to jump off the bumper

Open his palms

 To the faceless man on the steering wheel.

  

Climax

          It's really a decision. I mean, for a Filipino to run away from the family. If your a westerner, it's absolutely fine, if ever you finally decide to live on your own once you turned 18. But, here, it's a major decision.
          Lumipas din naman muna ang matagal na panahon bago talaga ako nakapag-decide na umalis. Matagal. Nagtiis ako. Tiniis ko. God knows I did. I did. I really did. But, I guess, there will really come a time in someone else's chaotic family life for a turning point.
          Ate got pregnant. That was too much for my idealistic mind to take. Too much. That was the turning point. That situation gave me the guts to talk to Mama and say that was it. I cannot take it anymore. I need space to breathe. I'm drowning deep. I can no longer understand what's happening. It's suffocating. It's hurting. I'm crying.
          Living in my Pasay apartment paved the way for me to reflect, contemplate, and see things in a different light. I am light. The lightness of being. My mind started to think of other things I have taken for granted all my life. My independence allowed me to see dependence, isolation, alienation, and selfishness.
          But most of all, my independence from my family gave me time. Time to think of my life, my future.
*dasal para kay bb. dasco, nawa'y makamtam mo ang kaliwanagan ng isip sa kung anong daan ang dapat mong tahakin.

April 1, 2011-Epiphany

Today is the official Year End assembly of the school. It is the time when people from the administration give recognition to faculty and support personnel for the good things done throughout the school year. 
After the awarding, there was the Fraternal Lunch. Of course, Faculty 2 sit in tables joined together. I happen to go upstairs to the faculty room to get something. It’s a buffet lunch. So, Collie and the rest of the FAC 2 teachers went in line where the food was. Collie said she would get me food while I go to the faculty room. As I approached the table, I saw that there was food fit for all of us. I don’t know what to do. Actually, there was nothing for me to do except to eat the food that they had brought for themselves and for me. I finally had the initiative to get us juice; it’s just that the iced-tea dispenser was empty. So, I just find myself sitting waiting for the rest of the teachers to be done with them getting the food. 
Then, Jef told me to get a spare plate, which I suddenly realized that it was for me. 
It was a simple gesture. 
Yes, a very simple gentlemanly gesture. 
He poured me rice, just enough for me to eat. 
He just… -poured me rice. 
There’s nothing amazing to it. 
But what made it remarkable to my memory bank is that his gesture became a symbolic act for a single woman like me. I suddenly became aware of the feeling of the goodness of having someone taking care of you. I suddenly realized that I’ve been living a very independent life that I seemed to forget how it is to be taken care by someone. I realized that it has been a very long time since I felt the care of a man. 
Actually, I realized that moment that it was, indeed, a very long time that someone took care of me, and that was when I was feverish by mama (a care because she had to). I already forgot how it is to be dependent of someone until that moment. He made me full. If my memory serves me right, kulang pa ‘yung kinain ko ng araw na iyon. Pero, ayoko nang kumain. Sapat na ang kung anuman ang nailagay ko sa tiyan ko. But, he made my soul full and that was enough for my physiological needs. 
I do not know how to describe the feeling. It was not a good feeling. It was not a bad feeling either. It was a first time after so long a time of being captive with independence with myself. Yes, I know the feeling now. It was strange. It was strange enough, like I want to feel that moment over and over again, like a last song syndrome. It was strange because it was confusion and realization at the same time. All these strange feelings happening with that one single moment. A moment captured. 
Parang I became sad in a way because that moment might not happen again, for I believe that one significant thing that happens once will only happen once in a lifetime(to quote from the novel, The Alchemist of Paulo Coelho). Nalungkot ako. ‘Yun na ‘yun at hanggang dun lang ‘yun. But then, somehow, I'm grateful that I had that moment. It led me to a sudden epiphany. It led me to realize my vulnerability. Na kahit na tingin ko sa sarili ko ako si Darna eh ako din pala si Narda. I'm not invincible. I'm still human, a mortal and emotional. 
*pasintabi kay Jef, maraming salamat sa (unaware) moment*
    

March 9, 2011- A Teacher, am I?

Weeks before, I got really irritated with one of my students, Castro. He’s one of those lazy students. But, then, something remarkable happened earlier. For the first time, he submitted his project. Miracle, I should say is what happened. Then, a few more minutes later, he came to the faculty room, submitting another requirement. I don’t know what words in my homily intended solely for him struck him the most but, I’m overjoyed with the fact that he did actually had the industry and the initiative to submit his requirements this time.

I have many reasons why I chose to be a teacher and one of those reasons is to motivate students, mostly the lazy ones to find for themselves the essence of studying, much more education. Students like Castro made my first professional teaching life worthy. They made me feel that in my own little way, I am making a difference. I change the world. If this is the essence of me being a teacher, then, I want to be a teacher. I am a teacher!
*for my students of the past, present, and future- one BIG THANK YOU!!!
you give the essence of my career life.

Feb 5,2011- Singled Me Out

I attended an art workshop. Who would have thought?!? Like what Viel said in her closing spiels, that workshop brought us, teachers to be like children again. We were brought to a world without care of grades, without care of the next meal, without hassle, without worries. We were brought to be children, again, not in the form of second childhood, where old people drool with their saliva. We were like children again, having fun with arts.

I then realized that maybe I could have been artistic or creative if that side of me was awakening early on my life. As I reminisce, masyado pala akong nagconcentrate sa cognitive domain, not that I regret it, kaya lang sana naging balanced, hindi perfect na tao, pero balanced, magkaiba naman iyon hindi ba?  

Of course, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, but what the hell, I mean what’s new? Nothing’s new! The day is not unusual for a single woman like me; I’m so used to the routine.

Because of this routine, I also came to get used to the idea of “sweetness” within a person, of a man to a woman; particularly of the sweetness of men towards me.

Sa tinagal-tagal ng pagiging single ko (since time immemorial), I’ve learned na huwag ipagkamali ang pagiging sweet ng isang tao sa notion na darating ang araw na ilalagay niya to the next level ang friendship namin. Minsan, or should I say, mas madalas sa minsan, sweet lang talaga siya… sa akin. At ang sweetness niya ay kailanman hindi matatransform into love, gaya ni Bumblebee. Ang puso niya ay mananatiling parang robot na hanggang sa pagtulong lang sa akin ang kayang gawin at wala ng iba. Kung sakali man na matransform na si Bumblebee bilang Optimus Prime (ang puso niya ay lumambot), nakasisiguro ako na iyon ay hindi dahil nagbago na ang tingin niya sa akin.
*para sa mga lalaking dumaan na sa buhay ko, patuloy na dumaraan, at para sa mga dadaan pa lang, maraming, maraming salamat sa magandang samahan, mga 'tol

Feb 3, 2011-Break-Up Concepts

We had this candid talk with my roommates, Medz, Madonna and I. I suddenly shared with them my plan of finding myself- soul searching through the help of the RVM sisters. I told them the event at Sta. Clara, the time when I offered eggs for love life. That I really did not ask for that special someone to come into my life but that God (or Sta. Clara for that matter) will intercede to give me the courage to accept the realities of life. Naging okay naman sila sa idea ko.

We also discussed about our contrasting ideas on breaking up. Let’s take for example, Jef’s case: He broke up with his girlfriend because, according to sources- distance (malayo ka sa akin, at ganon din ako sa iyo). He seems to be the type who does not want to exert the necessary effort for a girl. I mean, I do not know that much but, somehow, I get a glimpse of how he is as a lover. He’s more of a career-oriented person as of now, which is always a good thing, for a GC person like me. Career-oriented men are always good. Yun nga lang, it’s just unfortunate for his girlfriend to have a career-oriented lover. Personally, a person romantically involved with someone should not be career-oriented too much to inundate his partner with loads of work and take her for granted. Career for me is never an excuse. Although, Medz has a point in saying that, if Jef will continue to have the relationship, much more the commitment with his girlfriend, considering his current status of being washed out by his career, kawawa ‘yung girl. It’s not healthy for any person to stick to a one-way relationship, ‘yung tipong isa lang sa kanila puts in the necessary effort to make the relationship work, much more ‘yung isa lang ang nagmamahal. It will never be called a relationship. That should hurt. Although, I’m really not in favor of the whole breaking-up concept, with the point Medz has taken, I would have to second the notion.

Sabi naman ni Ice, (sa isang bibihirang pagkakataon na mag-usap-usap sa grass ng Luneta) maybe, si Jef, hindi pa siya talaga na-iinlove ng todo para mag-effort siya ng todo sa isang girl. Career is more important for him than committing to love, for now, which, I would have to say is good for him. He’s still young and just starting to make a name for himself. Committing himself to a serious relationship would only be a hindrance for now.    
*bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan huwag magagalit.

I am Changing

We have an additional English teacher, Yssa, also a litt major. Collie and I were ahead of her by a year. We’re not close, and admittedly I never talked to her during the duration of my stay in the department much more the majorship’s club, Circulus Literati. But I already have seen her with her classmates, and for once, I know that she had seen me too and I know that she knew that I belong to the batch ahead of them.

I was quiet then, unliberated, repressed, and suppressed. I think up until now, most of my professors see me as this “lady” never that woman of the world they envision their students to be.

Yssa said, upon seeing me inside the faculty room, that she was shocked by my transformation, though I never changed physically in a drastic manner, for I never would have wanted it anyway; but I sensed from her that for her I have changed dramatically, socially speaking. For her, I became courageous in airing my perspectives, loud, wild, and fun, which most of the people then have not seen in me because I failed to show that side of me to them or should I say, I was then afraid to be real, to be me. Why? I don't know why?

Now, my co-teachers see the “changed me”. I guess, yes! I did change, which for the most part I like. I have changed. Biologically speaking, I am still considered as an animal, the highest form, which because I live in an environment must adapt to it. How can an animal adapt to its surroundings without change?

Since, buhay naman akong tao, I adapt to my surroundings. It’s inevitable. So, yes, I did change. But one thing’s for sure that I changed for the better. I am a better person now because God has led me to the perfect place where I can make myself better. God has deliberately enveloped me with people who will help me in my continuing quest for a better me.
*para sa pagbabago*