Viking

It was a spur of the moment thing.

I was amiably invited by my fellow Math teachers to watch Ballet Manila and Korean Ballet at Aliw Theater for free. All of the math teachers were there except for Mara who I assumed had other priorities that day. I was invited and so was Yssa. And I later came to know that Ynna too was invited. And so, we were all there with Ian, Wanda’s and Tolits, Agnes’ boyfriend as adage to “the more the merrier” just in time for the concert. But, it was already a quarter passed 5 o’clock and Richard’s still missing in action. Jane and I were left outside the theater to wait for his highness for he had the other ticket.

We agreed to take The Viking as our last ride.  I’ve ridden The Viking, as far as I can remember, six years ago with Venj and Allen on a school field trip. That was my first time and it was extremely excruciating. Right after that ride, I went straight to the toilet and flushed out of my oral cavity everything in my stomach and emptied it. I felt all dizzy and the world was hazy.

There was a long line of people and it took us to watch four Viking rides of faceless crowd shouting their lungs out of desperation and ecstasy before our moment came for that dreaded ride. I would like to take the ride, I thought to myself. I thought I’ve already known the feeling as I told earlier and thought that I would be used to it. 

That I would not vomit. 

I took my seat without much nervousness from my heart. I can do this, I told myself. I can do this. But soon enough, there I was trying to find my stomach, pulling my lungs out, cursing life, swearing never to take that soul-splitting ride anymore. Right after that ride, I called out Yssa to accompany me straight to the toilet and flushed out of my oral cavity everything in my stomach not just once, but twice and emptied it. I felt all dizzy and the world was hazy and hangover as if I just drank eight bottles of scotch and whiskey. I went out of the toilet and saw them somehow looking dizzy too and were too tired to eat dinner. 

So, we decided to all go home instead. Yssa was already late for the train so she decided to hail a cab and had us all hitched with her. I went straight first of the cab on the farthest side near the door. For about a few seconds of being away at Star City, I felt something disgusting is going out from my mouth again and so I immediately opened the window and blurt out the slime. I kept the window open for the breath of polluted air kept me conscious and somehow sane.

And so, we were approaching Gil Puyat, when I thought I saw an apparition of a man walking along Gil Puyat high way. I was all dizzy and hangover, I know, and I felt it. I do not feel comfortable. So, hindi ko mapaniwalaan na sa sitwasyon ko na iyon ay masasagi pa sa isip ko na makita siya. I desperately wanted to tell myself that seeing him there on the road is not a figment of my imagination. I wanted to prove to myself that I was not thinking of him. That he was real that night. That my eyes were not lying to me, that it was Jef that I saw and that he was real. That’s why I called out to him, as strong as I could that moment. I didn’t even care if indeed it was him or if I would be laughed at if ever in reality it wasn’t him. Fortunately, he looked at me, pointed at me because he heard me and soon enough I came back into my tired senses and was definitely such a relief to realize that I wasn’t thinking of Jef. 

             Happy Birthday, Red 

                     by Venjie Oclaret

"Clear and bright are the white skies... 

and yet why does the sun beam 

with scorchy scarlet light? 

Now I know why it does: 

The Red Queen's Day is come. 

Happy Birthday, Red Scarlet Goh!"

                                           

Relationship is a complex game.

January 2, 2013      

 On one of my most-awaited interactions, Pete and I were just having a chit chat and I asked whatever happened to our common friend and her relationship with that tribal chieftain. He said that he had no idea and it’s been a while since he last talked to her and so did I. Then I uttered that people need to realize that love is a simple thing. Pete disagreed with me and told me that love is a complicated thing and he keeps on saying about emotions and other sorts of things I find irrelevant.

After quite some time, I realized that Pete is still not right. I still stand on my ground that love is a simple thing. It is actually, relationship which goes with love or loving that is complicated.

Relationship is a complex game and people are its players. Some players join games plainly for fun. They do not mind winning or losing, what is important is that they are in the game. That’s why, after sweating it out a little and making little efforts, players find it easy to let go like the game never happened at all. Some players enter a game unprepared but never would you see in their eyes any speck of nervousness. For them, playing is just part of life. They never see its complications or they never see at all, they are blind. Some players enter a game armed and ready and yet they are nervous for they know in their minds that no matter how well you play the game, there will always be better players. Players will come who will use strategies you never thought it’s included in the mechanics. Some players are nervous because they know that their opponent can be cunning and sometimes will work with their wicked schemes. Nervous players are never complacent. Winning and losing is always a fifty-fifty chance. Some players battle it out competitively as if they’ll lose their life. They give too much commitment on the game because they have in their hearts the oath: “Quitting is never an option”. They’ll stick with the goal to win at life and love no matter how many deceptions they’ll encounter from those cunning evil witches. They preserve their personal faith and will never falter no matter how dazzling and captivating the movements of their opponents are for they know that it’s not the right and the most brilliant move. They know that they hold themselves accountable for their own moves in the game. For they know that at the end of the game, when everything's really over, in the eyes of the Great Judge, a winner always chooses the right path.    

Kapag Kasama Kita

October 19, 2012

Iyong feeling na parang may artista kang kasama…

Iyong nagsisigawan ng yihii ang mga tao dahil kasama mo siya…

Iyong feeling na head turner ang kasama mo…

Iyong feeling na nasa harap mo siya

at kitang kita mo kung paano bumalik ng tingin ang mga tao ng biglang makita siya…

Iyong feeling na ito ang feeling kapag kasama si Richard.

DJ RJ

October 18, 2012

I do not like to think that everything is just a coincidence. I believe pa rin talaga that everything happens for a reason. It has been quite a long time that I’ve asked divine intervention for me to finally have the COURAGE to accept the realities of life. I’ve been just waiting. Waiting lang. I’ve been waiting for things to come and fall in to their proper place. That since I asked for divine intervention, I thought na basta na lang iyon darating at mangyayari. And voila! No need for my actions. Then I realized that life or God does not work that way. 

I believed that I was traumatized from life. That’s why I was afraid to love and fearful of the future. Nobody could ever give me any assurance about love, life, and future. But I don’t want to live a traumatized life anymore. I let all fears and uncertainties go and let God. That’s why I asked for divine intervention long ago. I thought that it’s the key to my happiness.  

But never did I ask God to personify the courage that I asked that I need to make myself grow. But God sent me an angel who FORCED me to do things I never expected or even dreamed myself of doing.

My grandmother, Nanay Rosita taught us, her grandchildren, not to love someone because of physical beauty alone. She taught me that beauty of the face is not all there is in a person. That’s why I became selective, very selective, I must say of people. Appearances are deceiving became my philosophy in life. I already have prejudice on people with good looks. And these “beautiful people” do not fail me. Truly, they are the living proof of my grandmother’s classical philosophy.  

  This is the main reason why I’m kind of doubtful to be friends with Richard at first sight. I mean, nobody could deny the fact that he is good looking and a head turner. All sorts of people (straight women and men, gay people, and married people) can attest to his handsomeness, and I was a witness many times to heads turning twice, and eyes moving up and down just to take a second stare at this young deity on this hellish Earth. It was hard for me to put my trust on people who know their physical beauty is an advantage. But after a few weeks, adding to it the fact, that we became seatmates, I came to know the personality and attitude behind the good looks. And I must say that the greatest thing that I like about him is his honesty and sincerity. They say that eyes are the windows to the soul and I saw in his eyes the truthfulness which I only need to break my wall of prejudice on him. Indeed, he is a newfound friend. He earned my trust.

On the many occasions of us going out, eating-food trip most of the time, sometimes, just walking, I shared to him the thing that’s been bothering my mind and heart for the past months. He became my confidante. He did not just listen. I’m actually getting good feedback and perspectives from him. Then finally, he did it. He pushed me to talk and speak my mind and heart out to him, to the man who must not be named. He said that it’s my only way to freedom.

I know it wasn’t easy for him to give the little push because of how stubborn I am. I felt I was still not ready yet. That it was not yet the time. That I don’t know what to say, or how to say, or that I might have the wrong word choice. I have too many reasons obviously.

Why did I do it?        

His perseverance. I felt he only want what’s best for me. He wasn’t paid by anyone. I realized I don’t want to waste his effort (the food trips, the walks, the music, the perspectives, and most importantly, his time). I really felt like he is the angel sent by God for me to realize that I can do it, should and must do it. No more waiting. This is it.    

“Yan ang Buhay.”

October 15, 2012

I remember my last serious conversation with Jefry, he asked me for reasons why my students like me. I replied, with a serious intonation and poker faced expression that I don’t pretty much care about teaching content, in fact, I don’t care whether my students know how to separate or even locate subject and predicate in a sentence. What is more essential for me is that my students would learn life. I was – dead serious when I said those words. “Nagtuturo kasi ako ng buhay.” Then we had that 3 second awkward silence and dead air until he finally said, “hmmm, that’s our big difference, I teach content and I pretty much don’t care about teaching life. Hindi ako nagtuturo ng buhay.”

During one of those times in the morning, I chose to share that piece of thought with Richard few days after that conversation with Jef. I was, somehow expecting to get, I don’t know, maybe a substantial support from him about my claim. Apparently, what I got was a laugh trip which lasted for about a minute or so, with all the cute wrinkles in his eyes jumping up and about in his thick Arabian eyebrows. Just as when I thought I was being serious with sharing my personal advocacy of teaching students about life- there he was- laughing. Arrgghh! I don’t know what I felt that day. It was confusion and weirdness at the same time. His reaction made me think as if there is something wrong with my advocacy like it was a fool for a teacher to teach about life.  

And so, moments later he would mock me, as he always does, saying those lines, “nagtuturo kasi ako ng buhay” over and over at different times or he would just say, “yan ang buhay”. He was, indeed, mocking me! How dare he put a joke out of a very serious notion about teaching and life!