When Community Fails

Hi, LOJ Pastoral Care. 

I think I just need an avenue to express my feelings.

 Right now, I feel so socially alone, especially in the spiritual community that I am a member. I also feel that I'm currently undergoing spiritual dryness for the past several months.

 My last Mass was during Ash Wed and after that I felt I have never attended mass like how I used to, spiritually present. I'm having trouble sleeping and eat in small amounts. I've been working as a textbook editor and I know myself how I used to accomplish my outputs and be productive. Now, I couldn't focus that well with my work (even though it's a work from home setup since quarantine, which I think should be a lot convenient for me). 

All these came to surface since the start of this year. I've been an active member of Singles for Christ for 7yrs now. Last year, I was tapped as Team Leader of Christian Life Program, where I met a new member of the music ministry. He has a longtime girlfriend who had to go abroad last year to work. With just 3months of their LDR, I felt he's nagpaparamdam sa akin, which I tried my hardest to avoid and keep things between him and I as casual and platonic as possible. But, I guess, we both were just able to fill each other's emotional needs. I'm single, 33, he's 28 and with the LDR situation that he has. As much as I don't want it to happen, we eventually became intimate and were in a sexual relationship (at the same time, sila pa rin ng girlfriend niya). He said his gf and him are sexually active.  

Whenever I ask him for us to have a serious talk, he wud just dismiss the idea, saying, "wala naman tayong usapan eh." By this January, he told me that he has plans of working abroad, the same country as the girl, and the girl will be his sponsor there, as he will go there under a visit tourist visa. His flight should be March 27 if not for covid. He told me that his job application is not sure yet and in the event that he isn't hired yet, he has to return here in the Phils, the girl stays abroad. So, he wants me to wait until then. That was when I told him, ayoko na, wag na niya ko balikan. 

Jan-Mar I was really having a hard time moving on. I wud wake at wee hrs and wud cry buckets of tears. Since then we never had any contact. I have no idea what's going on between him and his gf that time. Late at night of March 9, I got a message from his gf forcing me to say whatever I know about him. I replied that I will tell her on his flight. She said no. At the same time I was chatting with the girl, he videocalled me and used a new number to call me many times, which I all rejected. Within minutes, someone knocked on the door of the room of my apartment. When I opened, it was him, he was very drunk. Apparently, sumabay siya sa isang boarder telling that he's my boyfriend. Apparently, his gf sent him our chat and ask him who I was, he wasn't answering her. He wanted me to stop talking to the girl and asked me to wait until he comes back here in the Phils. So, I did. I never talked to the girl. 

The next day, he kept on sending me long texts reminding me to stop replying to the girl. I already replied that I'm no longer talking to her. His texts went on the rest of the day, I couldn't focus with my work and wud cry in the office, forgot to eat lunch. By that evening, he wanted for us to meet to give him the assurance of not replying to the girl. I declined as I don't want to meet him. I was really stressed with what he did to me in those two straight days, which led me to message the girl about our relationship. I asked sorry for being part of his infidelity and that it wasn't intentional and for any consolation, my first time ever to engage myself to this morally devastating deed. 

The next day, he kept on texting me angry rude texts, telling that the girl sent her my message and asked him to defend himself. Still, he wasn't answering the girl. So, the girl broke up with him March-April. Right before ECQ, he talked to his brother-church leader where he shared that MU daw kami. Apparently, Oct of last year, he and the girl were fighting over some petty issue, and he used that as an excuse to pursue me and cheat on her. 

 I had no contact with them since, Lockdown happened, he was still in Laguna, and I was able to go home here in Bulacan. May 2, he messaged me, "Ano pa bang problema mo at kailangan mo pa kaming kumustahin?" I find the message odd, so what I did, I messaged the girl telling that he messaged me and to make him stop. The girl told me that she was indeed the one who sent me that message using the boy's account. Then she blocked me from his messenger and fb. I was never fb friends nor friends in real life with the girl, in fact, we never met. She wasn't Catholic, but an Aglipay, so she wasn't a member of SFC. 

A few of our Fb mutual friends told me that she put our chat in her MyDay. My profile pic deleted, but my fb name very readable. Hinayaan ko lang. No contact with her and him.

After 5 days, he texted me a death threat saying to stop replying to the girl (when in fact, our convo ended days before) or else he will come to me in Bulacan to hurt me. Then he texted another death threat to me after another 5 days telling that he will find me right after the lockdown to hurt me. Then I got 2 death threat messages from a dummy account bearing my name telling that he/she will hire a hitman and even go to my office in Makati to kill me. 

I was so afraid when I got the threats,and couldn't sleep and eat properly. I'm always on the lookout for whoever knocks on our house, thinking it might be him. 

I only sent his threats that he texted me to our brother-church leader. He promised me to talk/chat with him and get into the bottom of this. Our church leader's action wasn't immediate nor proactive. I wud ask him a couple of times about it, and he said that he still hasn't talked to him yet. I also sent his threats to my immediate sister-church leader, but until now, she hasn't read my messages. It seems to me that they couldn't handle this kind of situation. I remember a couple of years back, the community had a harrasment issue against a brother. This concern was also raised to the church leaders, but they just let time passed by until the affected members became inactive. It appears that's how they resolve issues like that. 

This May 26, a common friend of him and me, messaged me a screenshot of the girl's post. The post is a part of the chat between our brother-church leader and him. In the post, boy sent our church-leader a screenshot of my death threats (copy-paste, bearing my name) apparently sent by the dummy to the girl. In the post, he denied sending me the death threats sent by the dummy. In a private chat with the church-leader, he admitted to texting me the two death threats, but still denied the dummy. The caption of the post says, "Ayaw mo makipagusap, ayaw mo ko tigilan, ginawa mo pa kong masama." People have been giving comments and sad and angry reactions. Concerned common friends started to send me private messages to ask if I'm really safe. 

I told our church-leader if he could send me the screenshots of that chat and be my witness as I'm now planning to file a case on cyber threat and cyber libel. Our church-leader declined and said, ayaw na niya makialam. 

I already reported it to the police station and advised me to file a complaint to the fiscal's office. I have also put a brgy blotter on him for my protection. Just this June, he messaged a common friend that one of these days, he will go to Metro Manila to character assassinate me. So, I'm still planning to file the complaint. 

To be honest, I was at my prime when I met him. For few years now, I have no problems in all aspects of my life that I couldn't handle. I was very happy, bubbly, fulfilled. My faith was intact. I was whole, I can truthfully say. I was raised by my family to not put shame on our name and I was living up to it since I was born. I never engage in illegal acts not just because I was afraid of the consequences, but also because I know it's wrong. 

This is my first time na mapaglaruan 😭, and I couldn't come into terms if all that has happened to me, to us, is really my choice and my control. It depresses me to think that all those years, my whole life, I was able to maintain my good image just to be publicly destroyed. Now, people or those that have read the post, see me as the "malandi" "maharot" one, relationship-wrecker. I'm not being self-righteous. I'm not a saint. It's just that I never really imagined even in my wildest dreams, to engage myself to something like this. 

I also started to question God and why He made me meet him while I was serving Him. I hold a position in the community as Household Head of sisters. I came to a point that I couldn't lead the prayer in one of our gatherings. I also couldn't worship the Lord, raise my hands, and sing as how I used to do because I would see him play instruments in the music ministry. So, as of the moment, as much as I don't want to, I asked to be removed from my position in the community. 

I know that my sister-church leaders and the brother-church leader are fully aware of these events, but I have never heard anything from them nor even bothered to leave me a message at this trying times of mine. The last message of brother-church leader to me, "may pandemic na nga, sana wag na dumagdag sa negative vibe" and from one sister-church leader, "hayaan mo sila, malalaki na sila." I'm starting to ask, is this their way of resolving this problem? I gave my everything, (time, talent, treasure) when I serve the Lord. Whenever they need, I gladly help out and serve. I never ask for a return. But, now, that I'm the one at the bad spot, they abandon me, just like that.😥

I don't know what else to say, ang haba na pala 😅 I guess, I really just need to share and perhaps, get some comfort in your reply. 

In Christ, 

Red Gozar