Lingering Stare

            I find it kind of intriguing to find something insightful about KC Concepcion's interview regarding her break-up with Piolo. She said na maraming beses na daw niya pinagbigyan si Piolo and she always ended up submitting herself to him, always be the one to be enthralled by Piolo's   stare. She said (and this I came to realize), hindi pala dapat lahat nadadaan sa kilig. "Isang titig lang ni Piolo napatawad ko na siya."

           

Not a Man, Not Yet a Father

Sa hapon ng ika-second day ng succeeding suspension of classes, dumating na naman ang transient visitor namin sa bahay na si Sir Mark. Tinanong lang naman niya ako kung paano ko nalaman na suspended ulit ang classes. Sabi ko, “eh, 6:00 (am) na kasi, natutulog pa rin si Joan, so, inisip ko na suspended na ulit ang classes.” “Hindi ka tinext ni Jefry?”, sunod na tanong niya. Umiling ako.

        At ayon, inasar na nila ako. Si Ms. Endaya daw kasi, kahit na 5:30am na at late na kung tutuusin, tinext pa rin sila to inform them that officially classes at SMA-P was suspended. Tapos, after a few minutes, Mara texted me a forwarded message from Sir Tan informing us of the class suspension.

        Tapos, nakwento pa ni Joan na tinetext daw sila ni Ms. Endaya para kamustahin sila, kung binaha ba sila? kung ayos lang ba sila?

        Naitanong ko tuloy sa sarili ko kung sino ba talaga ang may alam ng sociolinguistics. Hindi naman sa nagkukumpara ako o naglalabas lang ako ng sama ng loob sa asaran na nangyari. Pero kasi “words are powerful” sabi nga ni Father.  

        At first, I thought na ako lang ang hindi niya tinext for an unknown reason. I thought pa nga that he assumed since roommates naman kami ni Joan sa apartment eh malalaman ko na rin ang balita. So, I don’t need his text, anyway. Eh, it’s just that, after a few minutes, I received a call from Romynna asking kung may pasok o wala. So, apparently, I’m not the only one from the area who was- I don’t even know how to put it, uhm, taken for granted??? Just a simple text lang naman eh (we are not waiting for a call- we know it’s too much to ask), from our boss, is it too much to ask na naman ba?

           Come to think of it, ako, at least I have Joan and/or Mara to inform me of short notices and announcements. How about Romynna? or his other teachers? Who will they turn to? We are not students anymore na naghihintay lang talaga sa announcement sa TV or radio. We are his teachers.

        Which led me to thinking that, perhaps, wala pa talaga siyang Fatherly instinct, (is there such a thing in the first place?!) pero instinct nga eh, meaning innate to humans. Fatherly instinct to care for his subordinates.

        Which led me to thinking na eldest siya in the family, so, he must have that Fatherly instinct. Pero, bakit ganon?! nakukulangan lang kasi ako sa mga bagay-bagay.

Unrequited Love

Earthquake like death is inevitable.

My heart comforts itself

Of solitude

Of independence

Of self-love

But, your gestures,

sweet and kind

unconscious of you

released a tsunami in

my heart and mind.

Suddenly, My heart craves

For possession

For dependence

For love-Your love.

Waiting for your aftershock.

My mind failed to predict the shakes.

Though, my heart was the only one

Fully aware

Of the plate moving.

You remained

Sweet and kind

unconscious

Everything for you is platonic, still

Should I continue to wait for it?

Or is it high time for me to evacuate?

*inspired by Alfredo Salazar in Dead Stars

Carpe Diem

The sudden reverberation

of Mulan’s

“Who is that girl I see

staring straight back at me…”

caused by the transmission of the wall

of the house next door

against my permissible wall of music notes

sings back and forth

my frontal lobe.

I hum nostalgia.

Set out to grab for my mirror

something

I haven’t done

for quite some time,

Nostalgia turns into melancholy for

the image I wish to see.

I, now-my reflection.

a wine forcefully aged in a barrel

not yet fit for commercial market

but, off I go.

Yet, I yearn to see

the reflection I used to be –

my image, so carefree

When drizzles put on a smile

When tempest is a delight

When ice-cream drips

alter

teardrops

When you are allowed

to blow bubble detergent.

When it’s fine to play with dirt and fire

When I am nothing but a child.

Starlight, starbright,

First star I see tonight,

Wish I may, Wish I might,

see my reflection

the once to gradually age by time.

Tell her, “It’s okay to go out and play,

Most of all, enjoy life, seize the day!

Self-Love

        This is about the third talk of Bro. Bo Sanchez in his weekly 'The Feast' at the PICC. On my way home, I planned to write my reflections in this blog if not just relay his message to 'my invisible' followers as a means of spreading the word of God. Today's theme is about self-care, actually it was SELF-LOVE. Why did he have to pursue with a talk with this theme. I mean, is it important. I mean, the topic is very easy to do, and that is to love yourself. But, no. I realized that most people, including myself, do not love themselves or rather, they do not know how.   Most people carry with them baggage or what he termed as 'toxic shame'. If a person is not able to move out from this shame, which usually occurs in his/her childhood, that person cannot practice self-love. In return, he cannot love others purely. What I like about his talk is its brevity. He just mentioned only five basic needs that people often neglect to themselves. Then, I realized that the reason why I find it hard to love other people is because I take for granted most of the needs he mentioned. I will post the basic needs which I bet most people also neglect.

5 Needs You Should NOT NEGLECT

1. You need REST. 

Each day you wake up and you should be like an engine starting to run for a scheduled long journey. Your key here is that if you wake up in the morning and you already feel tired. It means that you have not gotten a good night sleep. The purpose of sleep is to refresh you for the next day. 

And it is not just a good night sleep that he means in rest. Give yourself 10 minutes with that 24-hours a day for yourself. A time to be alone and silent. Listen to your body. It speaks in whispers and if you do not listen, it will shout at you. Think about the things that happened during the day and why do you think it happened. 

2. You need TO DREAM. 

Dreams make you wake up in the morning. Do not care much of the endpoint or your desired destination. Do not easily get frustrated or disappointed if your dreams are delayed. It's okay, if it takes a long time for them to materialize. What is more important is that you enjoy your journey along your way of reaching your dreams. 

3. You need to BE YOU.

Do not try to live with people's expectations. 

Be faithful and true to your passion, to your potentials, and to your personality.

Ask yourself, what is God's gift to you? and that is WHO YOU ARE.

Are you the talkative type of person? Then let yourself be. do not be quiet if you don't feel like being one.

Are you the silent type of person? Then continue being quiet. Use your eyes, your eyebrows, your hands, your shoulder to hug people. You do not need words to communicate.

Do you laugh out loud? Then do not control it. Laugh out loud and you give other people the permission to laugh out loud too. 

Do you cry easily? Then, cry, so that people will know that you feel for them. 

Be faithful to your weirdness and uniqueness. 

The most weird people in the world are the richest people. Your weirdness can be your way to your wealth. 

4. You need MONEY.

Do not earn only for today. Do not earn only for yourself. Earn as much as you want, and as much as you can and be a blessing to others along the way. 

5. You need LOVE. 

Love does not necessarily mean romantic love. 

You need people around you. No man is an island. You live in a society, and society means people. YOU NEED TO INVEST IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.  Give importance to your family, to your friends, (make many friends as possible). Invest in your relationships your time, energy, and forgiveness. 

It is very important that we honor our needs. By acknowledging that we neglect these needs and that we accept that we need them, we take action in practising SELF-LOVE. In return, WE TEACH OURSELVES THAT WE ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. In this way, if we love our selves first, that's the only time, we can give others PURE LOVE. 

  

World-Class

         I've been longing to engage myself to spiritual journeys, or listening to influential people talk about experiences of themselves, or of people close to them, or just a stranger, or simply just relaying a story, or what they call as testimonials. I can relate to these testimonials. They make me do a lot of things: cry or get misty-eyed, laugh, smile, sigh, and most of all, think. They make me realize that I'm not the only person in the world, experiencing their hearts being crushed. I realized that I'm not the only one who has their soul wandering and confused. With that, those testimonials made me realize how blessed and loved I am despite of the negative things that's happening in my life. They made me grateful, which make me think of not committing suicide. 

          That's why, whenever someone invites for an event of this sort, I take it as God's instrument to take me to my learning. 

           I chanced upon listening to the second talk of Bro. Bo Sanchez at PICC last May 13, 2012.  He was a very influential man here in the Philippines for Christian values and enlightenment. His preliminary to his talk is about his personal experience. He shared to us one afternoon, when his family went to Tagaytay, I suppose, that's the Tagaytay Highlands. He said they went there to eat lunch. Yes, just to eat lunch, overlooking the majestic Taal Volcano and its lake. He keeps on telling the magnificence of the view and he termed it "world-class". But his punchline was that he compared the scenario to us, people. 

           He said, people NEVER see the magnificence of the Taal Volcano and its lake because it's just a bus away from us compared to say, if we go to Paris or London, or even in the Great Walls of China, which is an expensive plane ticket away from us. The problem is that we find it very difficult to appreciate what's in front of us. We keep on looking and looking far beyond what we can't reach. Of course, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Big Ben in London, and the Great Walls of China are world-class themselves. But, what Bo Sanchez is pointing out is that we tend to ignore what we already have, which is world-class in itself. Like, our mothers, whose been with us, very near us, no matter what. Like, our trusted friends, who stayed with us underneath it all. Honestly, I like his metaphor. But this time, it is not myself that I have in mind. I thought of my dear friend as the one who can relate to this anecdote. Unfortunately, that dear friend of mine was not there to listen to the words of Bo, and perhaps, be shaken. That dear friend kept on reaching for a star somewhere out there, I would say, or more appropriately, a shooting star. But, what that dear friend of mine, takes for granted are the many people around who in reality, make jokes, because they know laughter is the cheapest medicine of my dear friend. These people stayed by my dear friend's side, because they know the importance of strengthening my dear friend's support system in this crucial times. These people care and look after my dear friend's welfare. 


        That since, my dear friend is having a hard time reaching on that shooting star but still reaches for it, my dear friend is failing to notice how many stars actually surround my dear friend. I wonder when will be the time that this dear friend of mine will reach not for a shooting star but for an epiphany that would linger? I think, only time will tell.       

Into Translation

            It was our first day of the summer class 2012 at PNU, but actually it was already the third day due to some conflicts that arose in the number of students enrolled. But, fortunately, my subjects enrolled, Translation Techniques and Phonology were not dissolved. I was expecting na laid back lang ang klase ko sa Translation all because Dr. Marquez is our professor, and as we know, Dr. Marquez is Dr. Marquez. 

           But to my shock, iba si Dr. Marquez sa Graduate unlike in my experiences with her during my undergrad with the same subject. The first day, of course, went into the discussion of Introduction and definitions of translation, then meron na siya, paunti-unti na binibigay na sample translations. 

               She asked the class to translate this, proverb:

" Love looks through a telescope,

envy though a microscope."

So, we went to literal translation muna, 

' Ang pag-ibig ay tumitingin sa pamamagitan ng teleskopyo,

ang inggit ay sa pamamagitan ng mikroskopyo.'

Pero, syempre, in translation, you have to result to getting the meaning/ idea of what you are going to translate. Sabi niya, 'so, ano ba ang sinasabi ng proverb?'

'Na ang inggit o kapag naiinggit ka, kagaya yan ng pagtingin sa microscope, nakafocus ka lang sa isang maliit na bagay na pinapalaki mo. Pero ang pag-ibig o kapag nagmamahal ka, if love reigns in your heart, kagaya yan ng pagtingin sa telescope, malawak ang pagtingin mo sa mga bagay-bagay. Nagiging open minded ka.'

Well, oo nga naman. Hindi ko akalain na maririnig ko pa kay Dr. Marquez ang isang romantic na idea na gaya nito. Sabi pa nga niya, 'try niyo yan sa buhay niyo, but, it's easier said than done.' 

Nakakatuwa na rin isipin na, nagmamahal na nga ako. Dahil, kahit ano pa ang sama ng mga pangyayari at kung ano pa man, ewan ko ba? talagang nagagawa ko pa rin makita ang ganda ng isang tao. Nagagawa ko pa rin silang mahalin, despite and in spite of.