Kris Aquino's Thoughts on Her Breakup with Herbert

Faith in forever
“When he asks you to spend your life with him, you do say yes. Kasi naniniwala ka that everything will fall into place because of what you have; you will feel it was meant to be. You have faith in forever. For someone who just came from a heartbreak, it was so hard to believe in forever again. And you believed that he wasn’t going to play games. And you believed na meron ka ng lifetime companion.”

Kris added, “Sa trabaho ninyong dalawa, mararamdaman mo na, oo, possible pala na bumuo kayo ng samahan na hindi nakaasa sa mga pabor na puwedeng hingin or ibigay, hindi pera or posisyon ang nag-attract sa inyong dalawa, kundi nag-click ang ugali ninyo.”

The TV host-actress revealed that her sons, Joshua and Bimby accepted her relationship with Herbert because they wanted her (their mom) to be happy. However, Herbert had issues with his children, and their relationship ended.

Understanding and forgiveness
“Unexpectedly, he breaks up with you. You choose to see the breakup from his perspective because you do understand.”

“My two sons were ready to share with me in my love. Tama ang timing sa side ko,” she said.

Even if she’s still hurting, Kris has already forgiven Herbert and tried to understand his situation because she’s a parent herself. Kris admired Herbert’s gesture of personally apologizing to Bimby because the seven-year-old boy knew she was feeling bad.

“You cry yourself to sleep every night kapag 'yung dalawang anak mo ay tulog na para hindi nila makita na umiiyak ka. Then you forgive dahil kahit sinaktan ka, mahal na mahal mo pa rin siya. And kahit paano, humanga ka sa kaniya kasi ito, personal niyang pinuntahan si Bimb. Kinausap niya 'yung anak ko, man to man.”

Hopes for a reconciliation
Kris revealed that before Herbert’s TV interview. she was hoping for a reconciliation.

“Then somehow you find the strength to rebuild the friendship. And when he tells you na babalik siya kapag naayos na ang lahat ng kailangan niyang ayusin, starting with fixing himself, because mahal mo siya, aasa ka.”
However, Herbert’s statement that he and Kris can never get back together again dashed the latter's hopes.

“It wakes you up to reality na wala pala talagang Somewhere down the Road para sa inyo. And you can’t stop crying because 'yung future na akala mo, 'yung pinagdasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”

True humility
The breakup taught Kris “true humility.”
“Kinailangan ko kasi talaga maramdaman kung ano ang feeling na iwanan ka, ayawan ka. Masakit iyon talaga na ipamukha sa buong mundo, na kahit mahal mo ang isang tao, sa isang live interview, aamin siya na ayaw na niya sa iyo, hindi ka na niya babalikan. And tatanggapin mo iyon.”

Despite what happened, Kris wishes Herbert well. She feels grateful Herbert came into her life and hopes  they can still be friends.

“Simple lang yung mensahe ko, true love graciously lets go. Para kay Mayor Herbert, from my heart, I really wish na kung ano ang magpapaligaya sa buhay mo, kung ano ang kukumpleto sa iyo bilang tao, sana lahat ng iyon mapunta talaga sa iyo. Sana makamit mo iyon kasi sa iyo ko natutunan, kinailangan ko talagang matutunan. All my life I was selfish, but in you, I proved to myself na capable pala ako magmahal unconditionally.”

... when we held our hands amidst the crowd of people...
we were using our bones, muscles, and blood vessels to not lose grip.
That's all I know about love.
What else is there in love?
Except for the fact that I couldn't let go of that hand...

Di ko alam kung kelan ito naganap

rocha,

I just want you to know that I appreciate YOU. :) Thanks for the friendship and for all the laughter. Kahit saglit lang tayong nagkasama, tama ka, those moments have been wonderful. And of course I want to keep the friendship... I hope you do, too! :)

Pasensya na rin kung lagi kang bangka sa lokohan namen ni Gilbert. You just have this vibe kasi na you never take anything we say personally or against you. And we don't mean it that way din naman talaga.

I sincerely wish you find someone who'll appreciate all your quirks, coz I do. :) Hindi lang halata... hahaha Stay as cool as you are coz you make people around you happy (even at your expense :P)

True, everything happens for a reason, people meet for a reason, and even if I'm not quite sure what that reason is, I'm glad that "the universe" decided to let our paths cross. :)

Again, thank you for the friendship. :)

Kath

Help Me Leave Behind Some Reasons to be Missed

I’m here because not all teachers are teaching, some are editors.

It’s a totally new environment; a 9-5 desk job, which for the most time, I seem to take preference in, an unfamiliar chartered jargon that I still have to get used to, working with co-introverts and dealing with their set lifestyles as if seeing a reflection of my own before you let me experience a little spontaneity.

I must say, there are a great deal of men workers here, which ironically remind me of you because none of them, and I say this in combined pride and frustration that still no one can compare to your Prince of Persia-like handsomeness.

 

I wished that we talked lengthily that night, not like what happened that night-pressured and rushed. But, I guess, this is the best that I can do. This is the best that we can do for now. This is the best that we can think of to do for now. This is the best kind of effort that we can only think we can do for each other. 

I want to apologize for being out of touch.

I have been re-assessing myself lately. I have been thinking about us a lot, all our moments (everything in it, but mostly, the happy spontaneous ones). I thought our relationship is the kind that can survive anything and can last our lifetimes.

 

…This distance has given me a lot of clarity.

That last year, honestly, I can barely breathe, let alone, think. It’s like I did things so spontaneous, I did not even have enough time to think like I merely do things because you want me to. I can’t say that I wasn’t happy then, because I was to the point of elation. But I felt like my happiness back then is superficial. Lately, I did realize that relationship with you was self-serving to your interest and whim.  

 

The sadness this distance has brought me time to think and breathe- breathe on my own terms.

Before I left you from where you are, you said some things that I try not to hear, (that I still couldn’t get a clear grasp of) but now, I think you were right, if a relationship can't move forward, it withers.

I’ve been waiting for you to decide, but sometimes not making a decision is making a decision.

All I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to worry about me. I’m good! I’m really good. And honestly, I think it’s better this way.

PS.

What stopped me?

I don’t know. A lot of things.

Devotion to my work, loyalty to my dreams.

Any regrets?

It’s beyond my control.

Really?

I didn’t say the relationship was over.

I didn’t have to. Not making a decision was my decision.

 Most relationships are over before they end. But it’s still a death. You mourn the loss and have conflicting emotions, but often times there’s a sense of relief.   

 

Still Loving Angels Instead

March 2, 2014

 

It started on that MOA trip we had, and by we, I mean, you and I and Joan and my sister, Melody. You told us to accompany you to buy clothes for your High School outing. We were there by the avenue, trying to hail a jeep, when I felt it. I felt a separation. You and Joan were talking about school. Both of you were mentioning names that I sure know too. You were talking about topics about school, of the clubs, of the students, of my former bosses, who are still your bosses.

I know the topics of conversation and the people involved in the conversation that’s why I was not out of place. But there’s something about that night that made me so gloomy and despondent. What made me feel out of place was the feeling that the topics and people no longer concern me. Or I should say, the topics and the people are the very things I am letting go, I’ve wanted to let go.

That whole scenario made me feel like I no longer belong with you and your companionship. I felt like I can’t butt in to the conversation because it’s still your world in which I already left.

 

They say that the ancient Vedic medicine believes that anger causes insomnia, but I am not insomniac, I even have many good night sleep. I wake up in the morning fine and ready. So, I pondered, I am not angry or was angry at you. I remember when Collie and I would talk about you, I cannot say, “eh galit ako sa kanya”, but I often would say, “eh may sama ng loob or galit-galitan” which means that my mind itself lexically commands my oral cavity not to say, “galit ako sa kanya” simply because I am not angry at you. I was not angry.

And the ancient Vedic medicine believes that sadness causes reflection. So, I guess, I was sad. With these months of isolation away from you, I came to many realizations about our relationship.

I came to realize that I was loving and giving you more than the rest of the people who love me unconditionally and that you don’t deserve to be loved by me that much because it will be unfair for the rest of people who love me unconditionally for me not to love them equally.

I realized that I loved you more than my own brothers. I loved you more than my family, more than my own mother. I even loved you more than myself, yet, when I got away, you keep on reminding me how “kulang” our bond is.

With these months of isolation away from you, I came to acknowledge my sadness. I feel sad. I am sad because I really have to accept the reality that both of us are leading separate lives now. We no longer do things together, do things almost at the same pace, at the same time, laugh at the same jokes, buy and eat the same food, talk about the same topics.

 

As much as I want to turn back time just to be happy again being with you, I can’t retract the past. If this is any consolation, sadness let me ponder that you are a big part of my beautiful, spontaneous and happy but short-lived past that I can only now bring back through my constant reminiscence and once in a while storytelling.

Our separation made me realized that as I acknowledge my sadness toward our failed relationship, I came know that I have to love myself more first because after all- love heals.   

Humbled

I now knew what happened.

I was neglected, taken for granted, and unappreciated. I was trained to feel that I was a mediocre. And that whatever I do, I would always end as a good for nothing subordinate. 

So I felt worthless, down, degraded. It was my need. It is my need to feel appreciated. I need to feel that I belong and that even if I fail, I can always make up for it and redeem myself. And that they are not God and that they are not perfect because whatever they do they can never be God simply because they are not God. They are just humans, just like me, concealing behind the blinding shroud.

So I realized that it is within my nature to satisfy my own needs which were taken away from me by people who themselves have their own inadequacies, losses and frustrations of their own which by now, they made manifest and hold against their subordinates.

That’s why I believe in Plato in saying that Kings must be Philosophers too. By this he meant that those who hold the position up there, must be whole in every aspect of their humanity, otherwise, they will constantly look for their own inadequacies to their subordinates which I think would create a domino effect in a truly destructive way.

I dreamt and prayed to God that He will provide me with a new job which would give me experiences, a different one. And soon enough, He did. God truly never fails me. And as the saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” Surprisingly, I got into a very relaxed job. I felt loved and appreciated sincerely by my unassuming boss. From our interview, I already felt like worthy of the task and duty at hand of the job I still have to win the spot for. I felt and heard the fruits of my hard earned labor studying for masters. I have known my rate and it was already quite big time for me. I never knew just until then what I already have and what I can do and what I can still offer as an employee until I resigned. I pondered that resignation from the job must be really done. God really sees everything, which I mean, everything-the past, present, and the future. 

The blessings just kept on pouring and pouring that I can’t even hold them with both hands I can only embrace them. Wealth, Prestige and Happiness was mine. I cannot contain them. I’m just filled with gratitude for all of it.

And as I cannot control the outpour of graces, admittedly I became boastful and too proud. I owned the blessings. It wasn’t mine in the first place to take. I just realized now, that the blessings were given to me by God, because it was mine to give.

And so He took it away from me that abruptly. He got me taken by surprise, totally.

Knight in Shining Armor

         (Susubukan ko lang mag-character sketch ngayon, or kung isang character sketch nga ba ang matatawag dito.) 

Hindi ko masasabing matagal na kaming magkakilala. Sa totoo lang, masasabi ko na, parang, ngayon pa lang ang simula na kilalanin ko siya, sa kabila ng katotohanan na matagal-tagal na rin kaming magkatrabaho. 

Mabait siya, matangkad at matalino, at higit sa lahat, may sense at humor. Di hamak na pasok ang qualifications niya sa standards ko. Pero, siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na igagalang ko forever. Hindi ko siya pagpapantasyahan at pag-iisipan ng malisya. Siya ang tunay na gentleman. Siya ang tipo ng lalaki na pagbubuksan ka ng pinto kung magkakasabay kayo at pauunahin ka sa pagpasok. Hindi kagaya ng iba diyan na sadyang mapagpanggap. Mapapansin at mararamdaman mo ang kanyang sincerity sa kanyang gentlemanly gesture. 

Sa manaka-nakang pagkakataon na nakakapag-usap kami, alam kong nakikinig siya. No matter how shallow my topics were, he listened. Mapapansin mo iyon sa feedbacks na galing sa kanya. And I came to know, that he is understanding too. To quote him, "lahat ng mga nangayayari sa mundo may dahilan." He speaks like a true science person, very rational.

Many people think of him as weird for they cannot understand his kind of weirdness. At times, I saw him sitting on the ground and asked if he's fine and simply replied that he's just "feeling the ground", probably it's coldness and silence, literally and metaphorically.

I kind of understand him for I am a literature major. I was trained to be "humanized" in everything that's happening in the universe. For every film that we are assigned to critique, we were trained to see a difference that layman cannot see. For every change in history and culture and language, we were trained to be critical and give rational and artful explanation from elitists view to mere stupidity.


I bet he is the type of person who hugs a century old narra tree, if ever there still exists such in the belief that old trees absorb a person's negative energy.

He is very observant and knows his people more than they know themselves. In his reserved and selective personality he never gets enemies and rarely gets angry. He knows how to handle and manage people, though he is not a people person. His laughter is classy. And he dresses sleekly and with a sense of fashion comparable to that of an elite though humbly he came from the humble home of Laguna.

Sexist men would often mistake him as 'closeted' but I dare say to them that he is as masculine as they are or even better of a straight man than they are. Women love him for his genuine gentlemanliness, politeness and cleanest of intent.

He takes his time for he owns his time. He plans his life for he knows what he wants and makes the necessary effort to achieve it. 

Most importantly, he never forgets his spirituality. He knows his faith and is faithful to his God despite the fact of him being a science person.  


-para kay Sir Ed.