My Side of the Story (Part 3 The Falling Action)

Since Jan 2020, si JK ang nagsisimula ng chat, sumasagot lang ako. His first chat Jan 5 was to ask me to create him his resignation letter. Sabi niya last favor. I agreed that this is the last.

 

 

 

Eto na yung point na nagtatalo na ang isip ko kung gusto or ayaw ko na siyang makita pa. So, I told him if I can just send him the letter in his email like what I did with his resume. Thinking that we might not be

 

able to meet each other anymore, I sent him a long farewell message where I ask him to be faithful to his girlfriend from this point forward.

 

 

 

But he insisted for me to print it out so we could meet.

I ask him kung kelan last namin pagkikita because I'm planning to talk to him on that last meetup to tell us to stop this affair.

We agreed to meet at my house on Jan 10.

 

 

 

The last time we physically saw each other was Nov 28, 2019. Since then until 9Jan puro chat lang.

I promised myself not to make any physical contact with him and to just give him the letter. I went out of the gate, and gave him the envelope. He started reading the letter while walking so he can tell me any corrections. I walked with him.

As soon as our elbows touched. Ayun na. It felt like we missed each other so much. Nakaakbay na kami sa isa’t isa. JK hugged me so tight, kissed me on my forehead and thanked me for all the things I did for him. JK keeps on pinching my chin many times while I'm telling him that I will miss him. I teased if we can spend his remaining months having one last “next time.” He asked, “saan?” I said, “out of town?” We laughed. We kissed. And kissed some more, with his hand touching my vagina.

As we continue to walk the long pathway, it seemed like endless kissing, hugging, touching. Of us laughing, while he saying, “tama na, last na 'to” (just because he still has work early the next day) but not letting go. Of “pag hindi ako nakapagpigil, dadalhin kita sa 3hrs” (because he doesn't have condom with him). Then he kissed me for the last time that night and said, “next time na, next time.” As we reached the end of the pathway, we parted ways. Back at the house, I realized I didn't get to ask what I really needed to ask.

So, I thought wala nang closure and clarity. Na ganon na lang yun because that was the last we will meet. Few days passed, and I thought ayun na nga lang talaga yun.

Jan 15, JK messaged me for a correction in his resignation letter that he wanted me to do. And asked me to print it, and meet with him to get it. I thought this is a chance for us to finally talk.

 

 

 

 

It was usual for me to give him kiss and heart emojis when we chat. But, ayun pala… If this is true or not,

since may access na, then I lessen na yung pagiging sweet sa chat.

 

Jan 16. We met around 10am at Waltermart Makati. I gave him the edited letter. He said he needed to go to work immediately and was about to give me a fistbump. I jokingly refused and said, “hug na lang.” He refused. I thought he refused because it's broad daylight. Again, no chance to talk.

This is our last chat.

 

I decided starting Jan 2020 to lessen seeing JK, lessen the chat also. But, somehow, I also wanted a kind of closure, after all, masaya naman lahat ng nangyari at maganda naman yung pinagsamahan namin, mali nga lang as we were both in a relationship to different persons, yun ang mali. I wanted a serious talk to tell JK of my plans of stopping this affair.

In my previous relationships, as far as I know, I am the official girlfriend. I never dreamed of becoming the third party. Nagugulat din ako sa sarili ko baket ko ginagawa, why I can’t say no to him, why I lose control.

Jan 18, 2020 was SFC Christmas Party. At first, I have no plans of going, and JK knew it. But I changed my mind on the day because some sisters wanted me to come as they have gifts for me.

After the party, I asked JK na ihatid niya ko sa bahay and he did. We went to my room and sat on my bed. He said, “wala akong dala (condom).” And dumating din kasi yung isang boarder in the other room. He said he was very tired and wanted to go home. Hinatid ko siya pababa and outside of the house.

We were hugging as we talked. I finally was able to ask him, “Ano ba 'tong nangyayari?” JK said, “Alam mo naman kaming mga lalaki, natutukso.” He admitted na matagal na siyang naattract sa akin.

I said, “pero wala akong ginagawa sayo, I'm just being myself.” He said, “oo nga eh.” I said, “at hindi kita hinaharot, never kitang nilandi, hindi kita type, alam mo yan.” He said, “kaya nga eh. JK never said that LDR is the reason for his cheating. He realized that along this romance, we both started to develop feelings for each other. Akala namin na kaya naming panindigan na one-night stand lang ito at wala feelings na maiinvolve.

But yung feelings namin sa isa't isa is not love, but just intense attraction. And yung feelings is not enough para piliin namin ang isa't isa, na maging kami. Personally, hindi ko rin nakikita sarili ko na maging in a relationship with JK. Hindi siya. We both realized that we really enjoyed the times we spent together. And dahil nagsex na kami, somehow, we already knew each other's weakness. That's why every time we meet, we cannot control but have physical and sexual makeout. Hindi talaga namin mapigilan.

I asked, “so anong plano?” He said, “balik na tayo sa pagiging tropa.” Sabi niya may at least two months pa siya to be active in SFC, kaya magkikita pa kami sa mga gatherings. Pero kailangan talaga namin pigilan ang isa't isa na maging physically close, kasi we both know kung san yun pwede mapunta. And he wanted no one in SFC to know or magkaron ng kutob na may affair kami. He explained, kaya daw nung nasa Waltermart kami, and I asked for a hug instead of his fistbump, umiwas siya. Apparently, yung kapatid daw ng gf niya nagwowork in Makati, so baka mahuli kami.

So, for JK, pag-alis niya ng March, continue lang kami sa pagiging friends, because geographically, hindi na kami pwede magsex, so kung gusto niya ng kasex magkasama na naman na sila ng gf niya. Pero open siya sa idea na alam naman niya na andito lang naman ako sa Pinas in 2-3years pa. If balik Pinas siya for vacation, alam niya, andito lang ako, alam niya kung san niya ko pwede puntahan.

It became clear to me that we are having a secret affair. That I am the third party, the other woman. And somehow, he is preparing me to be his “reserve” in case, na hindi siya maging successful sa work

 

and in relationship in UAE. Dahil may feelings na kami sa isa't isa, alam niya na may pwede siyang balikan dito sa Pinas.

So, somehow, it became clear to me. I realized dahil nasanay ako sa galawan ng mga mabubuting lalaki, nung dumating na si JK, hindi ko pala alam yung mga ganung galaw ng isang lalaking ginagamit lang pala ako. Ginagamit kasi need niya na may gagawa ng resume, cover letter, at resignation letter niya, need niya ng ka-sex sa mga oras na kating-kati siya, pero nasa UAE ka.

Ganun pala yung nasa isip niya, yung plans niya. So, I said, “parang hindi ko ata kayang ibalik sa pagiging friends, after lahat ng nangyari sa atin.” I told him to go home. Kinabukasan, nakapag isip isip ako. I messaged JK na ganon pa rin ang decision ko, I wanted for us to stop this secret affair and be strangers. Walang pansinan. End of communication and connection. Kung kakailanganin niya pa ng tulong ko, sabi ko, humanap na lang siya ng iba kasi hindi ko na siya tutulungan. Kung accepted man niya or hindi, pero para sa akin, ayun na yung decision ko. I messaged him Jan 20.

Right after that, I talked with my SFC sister-head and shared to her everything that happened between JK and I. All of it. She advised me to immediately stop this and to lessen seeing JK unless very very important. She also advised me to confess. I also asked to be removed from my position as one of the heads in SFC as I feel unworthy because I'm committing this act. So, now, as of the moment, as much as I do not want to, I'm no longer SFC.

I also made consultations with a psychologist as this is the very first time I did this that I became the other woman. She also told me to stop this affair as she thinks that JK is a toxic person, user. One of the struggles that I have is that I cannot forget all the things that JK and I did not because I love him, but simply because I’m a visual learner. My psychologist advised me to write everything as a way of letting go and forgetting. That's what I was doing.

Another struggle is the feeling of guilt and the desire to tell the truth. I hold myself responsible, so I told the man I'm dating, everything, showed him all the chats, and apologized. He accepted what happened and now we are working things out on our relationship.

I also think I'm partly responsible for you so I feel I need to tell you. Though, I also think that JK should be the one to tell you this. But, he will never tell you. Yun ang gusto niyang mangyari, a secret affair. Why would he? After all, he needs you, especially he needs your help so he can stay in UAE until he gets hired for a job. Ayaw niya na may makahuli sa amin at malaman mo yung kalokohan niya dito sa Pinas before pa yung Mar2020 flight niya kasi masasabotahe yung pagprocess mo ng visa application niya at lahat ng priviledges at benefits na pwede niya mareceive from you once he's already there in UAE. But as for me naman, baket ko pa patatagalin ang pag-amin. At kung magkasama na kayo, mas makakapagusap na kayo ng personal at maayos nio na ang issues ng relationship nio, which obviously hindi ka aware na may nageexist kayong problem sa relationship nio at si JK naman, meron siyang issues na hindi niya directly ineexpress sayo, out of fear or maybe pride, or his ego.

I remember, he told me that he finds me generous with money. Personally, andito na ko sa point ng life ko na maluwag na ko sa pera, at hindi ako naghihintay ng kapalit sa mga naibibigay ko sa SFC. JK said,

 

yung gf daw niya may tendency na manumbat or magmalaki sa mga bagay or properties na naipundar at maipupundar niya lalo pa daw ngayon na nauna ka na mag abroad. Mas yumayaman ka na daw sa kanya. At kaya si JK nagmamadali makapag abroad kasi he thinks sa abroad siya yayaman agad, at dahil ayaw niya umabot sa ganung point na magmamalaki or manunumbat ka sa kanya. Kaya nung kinausap daw siya ng kapatid niya na no plans of getting into college, ayun na yung go signal niya to go abroad. He went crazy asking me, and other people kung sino pwede niya sabayan just to reach UAE.

That's why I've been wanting to reach out to you. So, I waved you in messenger. I was about to tell you this affair, when you replied, “Ano po yun?” pero pinigilan ako ni JK. Blocked na siya sa messenger ko, but he still has my cell phone number, so he texted me. My psychologist advised me not to make anymore connections with him, so I just replied, “remove a message” which means na ayoko na siya kausap.

 

Alam ko naman na may hike nung Feb 16 but he texted na maghike din daw some of my sister-friends, which he means, na gusto niya sumama din ako sa hike. Para kausapin or mauto niya ko na wag ireveal kay Kim ang secret affair namin.

That was Feb 8, 2020 (Sat) since wala naman siyang nakuhang matinong reply sakin. He tried once again, on Feb 10

 

I was already sleeping at hindi na ko lumabas pa para alamin kung ano man yung delivery na yun. Eh

wala naman akong pinapadeliver sa kanya. Again, he just wanted to make sure that I will not say anything to Kim.

But I realized, at the end of the day, cheating is still cheating, regardless of JK's reasons. The moment nga lang na sumagi sa isip ng isang lalaking may girlfriend na gusto niyang makipagsex sa ibang girl, considered cheating na rin iyon. I'm really really sorry for this. I know this will cause you pain and I'm sorry.

I want you to know na hindi naman ako agad agad nag yes kay JK. Dumaan ako sa proseso ng confusion at pilit kong iniintindi ang lahat, kung baket ginagawa ito ni JK sa akin, kung baket niya ito ginagawa against you, kung baket yes na ko ng yes sa kanya at nawawala na yung control ko at hindi na makatanggi.

 

This Christmas vacation made me realized that I don't deserve to be with a man na “reserve” lang ako sa kanya. I don't deserve a man na habambuhay lang akong itatago. At ikaw, Kim, you don't deserve a man na sa harap mo, sobrang sweet at faithful niya, pero pagtalikod mo, niloloko ka niya kasi ginagawa niya rin pala yun sa ibang girl. I realized I deserve a better man like how I used to have before I met him. And ikaw din, Kim, you deserve better or a better JK.

This is everything that has happened between JK and I mid 2019 to early 2020. JK can deny to death to save his good image from you. He may even say bad things about me, baka sabihin niya na marami naman talaga akong hinaharot na brothers, pero alam ni JK na joke lang lahat iyon. At kahit tanungin mo pa lahat ng brothers, wala akong naka-sex or even umabot sa simpleng makeout sa kanila. Wala. At alam ni JK na siya lang ang tanging brother na pinatuloy ko sa kwarto ko, wala nang iba. I have already confessed everything to a priest and now, to you, Kim. These are my truth. This is my side of the story.

Mula sa bahay nila JK papunta sa apartment ko, medyo mahaba-habang lakarin. Everytime na sasabihin niyang pupunta siya sa bahay, iniisip ko na sana maisipan niyang makonsensiya at lumakad na lang pabalik sa bahay nila. I thought that long walk can give him the choice na iatras yung sarili niya from cheating on you. But he never did. Tumutuloy pa rin siya.

Hindi ko nireveal sayo lahat-lahat para ibreak mo si JK. That's not my goal. One of my goals is for you to decide, if this is the kind of future life you want to have. Alam ko nmn na may future plans of getting married na kayo ni JK, so decide if you are willing to sign up for the kind of “secret” life that JK has.

I also wanted to tell what my psychologist told me. Kung habit na ni JK ang magloko, (hindi mo lang siya nahuhuli) I doubt if I am his first time, then High Risk na maulit pa ang pagloloko niya sayo, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” I may not be his last secret lover.

Sa situation na 'to, si JK ang pinakapanalo because he still has you na nananatiling walang alam at willing to love and sacrifice for him and he gets to have me na nagagamit niya kung kelan niya gusto. Ako, talo ako dito kasi ginagamit lang ako at walang sigurado. At ang official girlfriend ang nakakaawa dito kasi she keeps on giving trust, love, honesty, support, faithfulness, etc while JK is being insincere.

I still like to believe that JK can change to be a better man, a better lover to you. But he needs your help. Tulungan mo siya. Obviously, si JK meron siyang pinagdadaanan sa relationship nio. Hindi niya lang sinasabi sayo or hindi niya masabi or natatakot siyang sabihin. Help him. I think it’s time for the both of you to reevaluate your relationship, obviously hindi at same level ang love, trust, at honestly ninyo sa isa't isa. Baka nagiging kampante ka na sa kanya, baka need nio magset ng new rules or guidelines. Baka may financial pressure siya kaya nagawa niyang maghanap ng relief and I just happen to be the one available. For all we know, it could be any girl.

Kayo naman pareho ang magbebenefit in the future sa pag aayos ng relationship nio. I hope and pray for the best in your relationship.

When Community Fails

Hi, LOJ Pastoral Care. 

I think I just need an avenue to express my feelings.

 Right now, I feel so socially alone, especially in the spiritual community that I am a member. I also feel that I'm currently undergoing spiritual dryness for the past several months.

 My last Mass was during Ash Wed and after that I felt I have never attended mass like how I used to, spiritually present. I'm having trouble sleeping and eat in small amounts. I've been working as a textbook editor and I know myself how I used to accomplish my outputs and be productive. Now, I couldn't focus that well with my work (even though it's a work from home setup since quarantine, which I think should be a lot convenient for me). 

All these came to surface since the start of this year. I've been an active member of Singles for Christ for 7yrs now. Last year, I was tapped as Team Leader of Christian Life Program, where I met a new member of the music ministry. He has a longtime girlfriend who had to go abroad last year to work. With just 3months of their LDR, I felt he's nagpaparamdam sa akin, which I tried my hardest to avoid and keep things between him and I as casual and platonic as possible. But, I guess, we both were just able to fill each other's emotional needs. I'm single, 33, he's 28 and with the LDR situation that he has. As much as I don't want it to happen, we eventually became intimate and were in a sexual relationship (at the same time, sila pa rin ng girlfriend niya). He said his gf and him are sexually active.  

Whenever I ask him for us to have a serious talk, he wud just dismiss the idea, saying, "wala naman tayong usapan eh." By this January, he told me that he has plans of working abroad, the same country as the girl, and the girl will be his sponsor there, as he will go there under a visit tourist visa. His flight should be March 27 if not for covid. He told me that his job application is not sure yet and in the event that he isn't hired yet, he has to return here in the Phils, the girl stays abroad. So, he wants me to wait until then. That was when I told him, ayoko na, wag na niya ko balikan. 

Jan-Mar I was really having a hard time moving on. I wud wake at wee hrs and wud cry buckets of tears. Since then we never had any contact. I have no idea what's going on between him and his gf that time. Late at night of March 9, I got a message from his gf forcing me to say whatever I know about him. I replied that I will tell her on his flight. She said no. At the same time I was chatting with the girl, he videocalled me and used a new number to call me many times, which I all rejected. Within minutes, someone knocked on the door of the room of my apartment. When I opened, it was him, he was very drunk. Apparently, sumabay siya sa isang boarder telling that he's my boyfriend. Apparently, his gf sent him our chat and ask him who I was, he wasn't answering her. He wanted me to stop talking to the girl and asked me to wait until he comes back here in the Phils. So, I did. I never talked to the girl. 

The next day, he kept on sending me long texts reminding me to stop replying to the girl. I already replied that I'm no longer talking to her. His texts went on the rest of the day, I couldn't focus with my work and wud cry in the office, forgot to eat lunch. By that evening, he wanted for us to meet to give him the assurance of not replying to the girl. I declined as I don't want to meet him. I was really stressed with what he did to me in those two straight days, which led me to message the girl about our relationship. I asked sorry for being part of his infidelity and that it wasn't intentional and for any consolation, my first time ever to engage myself to this morally devastating deed. 

The next day, he kept on texting me angry rude texts, telling that the girl sent her my message and asked him to defend himself. Still, he wasn't answering the girl. So, the girl broke up with him March-April. Right before ECQ, he talked to his brother-church leader where he shared that MU daw kami. Apparently, Oct of last year, he and the girl were fighting over some petty issue, and he used that as an excuse to pursue me and cheat on her. 

 I had no contact with them since, Lockdown happened, he was still in Laguna, and I was able to go home here in Bulacan. May 2, he messaged me, "Ano pa bang problema mo at kailangan mo pa kaming kumustahin?" I find the message odd, so what I did, I messaged the girl telling that he messaged me and to make him stop. The girl told me that she was indeed the one who sent me that message using the boy's account. Then she blocked me from his messenger and fb. I was never fb friends nor friends in real life with the girl, in fact, we never met. She wasn't Catholic, but an Aglipay, so she wasn't a member of SFC. 

A few of our Fb mutual friends told me that she put our chat in her MyDay. My profile pic deleted, but my fb name very readable. Hinayaan ko lang. No contact with her and him.

After 5 days, he texted me a death threat saying to stop replying to the girl (when in fact, our convo ended days before) or else he will come to me in Bulacan to hurt me. Then he texted another death threat to me after another 5 days telling that he will find me right after the lockdown to hurt me. Then I got 2 death threat messages from a dummy account bearing my name telling that he/she will hire a hitman and even go to my office in Makati to kill me. 

I was so afraid when I got the threats,and couldn't sleep and eat properly. I'm always on the lookout for whoever knocks on our house, thinking it might be him. 

I only sent his threats that he texted me to our brother-church leader. He promised me to talk/chat with him and get into the bottom of this. Our church leader's action wasn't immediate nor proactive. I wud ask him a couple of times about it, and he said that he still hasn't talked to him yet. I also sent his threats to my immediate sister-church leader, but until now, she hasn't read my messages. It seems to me that they couldn't handle this kind of situation. I remember a couple of years back, the community had a harrasment issue against a brother. This concern was also raised to the church leaders, but they just let time passed by until the affected members became inactive. It appears that's how they resolve issues like that. 

This May 26, a common friend of him and me, messaged me a screenshot of the girl's post. The post is a part of the chat between our brother-church leader and him. In the post, boy sent our church-leader a screenshot of my death threats (copy-paste, bearing my name) apparently sent by the dummy to the girl. In the post, he denied sending me the death threats sent by the dummy. In a private chat with the church-leader, he admitted to texting me the two death threats, but still denied the dummy. The caption of the post says, "Ayaw mo makipagusap, ayaw mo ko tigilan, ginawa mo pa kong masama." People have been giving comments and sad and angry reactions. Concerned common friends started to send me private messages to ask if I'm really safe. 

I told our church-leader if he could send me the screenshots of that chat and be my witness as I'm now planning to file a case on cyber threat and cyber libel. Our church-leader declined and said, ayaw na niya makialam. 

I already reported it to the police station and advised me to file a complaint to the fiscal's office. I have also put a brgy blotter on him for my protection. Just this June, he messaged a common friend that one of these days, he will go to Metro Manila to character assassinate me. So, I'm still planning to file the complaint. 

To be honest, I was at my prime when I met him. For few years now, I have no problems in all aspects of my life that I couldn't handle. I was very happy, bubbly, fulfilled. My faith was intact. I was whole, I can truthfully say. I was raised by my family to not put shame on our name and I was living up to it since I was born. I never engage in illegal acts not just because I was afraid of the consequences, but also because I know it's wrong. 

This is my first time na mapaglaruan 😭, and I couldn't come into terms if all that has happened to me, to us, is really my choice and my control. It depresses me to think that all those years, my whole life, I was able to maintain my good image just to be publicly destroyed. Now, people or those that have read the post, see me as the "malandi" "maharot" one, relationship-wrecker. I'm not being self-righteous. I'm not a saint. It's just that I never really imagined even in my wildest dreams, to engage myself to something like this. 

I also started to question God and why He made me meet him while I was serving Him. I hold a position in the community as Household Head of sisters. I came to a point that I couldn't lead the prayer in one of our gatherings. I also couldn't worship the Lord, raise my hands, and sing as how I used to do because I would see him play instruments in the music ministry. So, as of the moment, as much as I don't want to, I asked to be removed from my position in the community. 

I know that my sister-church leaders and the brother-church leader are fully aware of these events, but I have never heard anything from them nor even bothered to leave me a message at this trying times of mine. The last message of brother-church leader to me, "may pandemic na nga, sana wag na dumagdag sa negative vibe" and from one sister-church leader, "hayaan mo sila, malalaki na sila." I'm starting to ask, is this their way of resolving this problem? I gave my everything, (time, talent, treasure) when I serve the Lord. Whenever they need, I gladly help out and serve. I never ask for a return. But, now, that I'm the one at the bad spot, they abandon me, just like that.😥

I don't know what else to say, ang haba na pala 😅 I guess, I really just need to share and perhaps, get some comfort in your reply. 

In Christ, 

Red Gozar

My Side of the Story (Part 3 The Climax)

Aug 2019, I was assigned as the Team Leader (TL) of the second CLP. My partner-TL and I were tasked to assign positions to members. We both decided to still assign JK as Musicmin head. I was asked to talk to him if he can take/commit to the position from Aug23-Nov 23. Thru chat, he told me that he cannot commit because he would like to allot his extra time in preparing for his requirements abroad, but promised me to give support as drummer/guitarist. He also told me that, in any case, he needed to leave by 9pm, so he can have enough time to talk to his girlfriend abroad. I took that deal.

Since then, chats between JK and I focused on informing him about updates of the meetings on CLP as I was assigned to oversee musicmin. My task is to make sure that the drummer/guitarists/singers will attend the practices and the main events.

Once in a while, when CLP happens on a Sat, we would drink (alcohol) at a sister's house. We were just a small group of 5 members, since our houses are near each other.

Sep15 (Sat), we were invited to drink at the same sister's house. I remember JK mentioned how “napakachill na girlfriend ni Kim.” na ok lang daw kahit may mga ka-close siyang ibang babae. JK and I sat beside each other, and he told me about his experiences in SFC as the musicmin head, his struggles/sacrifices, which all happened during the time that I was not active in SFC. I told him to forgive the people that disappointed him, and promised him that I will make sure that he will have good experiences in CLP now that I was the TL. I asked about musicmin's plans on one of the big event in CLP on Oct 18. He told me that they still haven't talked about it with the other musicmin heads.

 It started to rain when we were walking home around 1am. Nath was walking a few feet ahead of us with his shirt up in his head to shield against the rain. I have my umbrella. JK was just walking with nothing. So, I extended my umbrella to him. He's a lot taller than I, so he held my umbrella by his left hand, and put his arm on my left shoulder. I think no malice, but logic, since it's raining. JK and I continued talking about musicmin, when he told me that he might not attend the Oct 18 big event because it's his friend's birthday and that he needed to go to Laguna. As TL, I needed JK's help for that big event. So, I asked/pleaded if he can go to Laguna a bit late, just so he can help first the musicmin on Oct 18. Then JK would say no. I will ask/beg him again. He would again say no. (parang nagpapabebe)

Then we had to turn to a small street, Nath suddenly got lost in our view. JK said, "uy, lumiko na si Nath." I just nodded.

The end of that small street was a bit dark. When we reached the end, JK slightly dragged me by the cement wall, lowered his head to mine and said, "wag ka makulit, kundi kakagatin ko ilong mo."

I was confused and told him to walk by himself, but as I was getting my umbrella, he wouldn't let it. He said sorry and said, "hatid kita, wala akong payong, patilain ko muna, at najijingle na rin ako." And I have to agree it was cold outside.

When we reached my house, before he went to the toilet, he asked if he can drink coffee as he felt hangover. While drinking coffee, our talk about his possible absence in the big event started again. It was a cycle of I begging him to attend and he saying no. Then he started to hug me, at times he hugged with his head on my chest. Then he would face me and gesture a pouting lips as if he wanted a kiss.

It was really getting late, so I told him that he needs to go for the rain also stopped. He stood up, I opened the door. JK dragged me by the door and gave me a long hug. I said, that's enough. But he said, "kulang pa."

I walked him at the gate, and he hugged me, but this time, it's very tight, I cannot breathe that I had to tap his shoulders just so he would let me go.
That was the first time JK went to my house.

Morning come and I thought what happened that night was just "dala ng kalasingan." I tried to keep things as casual as it was but as soon as we chat, JK was the one to open about that "hug" incident and that it made him excited to attend the big event, and forget about his friend's birthday.

3 weeks after (Oct 5), a brother who came from the province told us that he wanted to treat us for drinks. JK suggested to just buy drinks and to drink at my house instead. The group agreed, so I had no choice, thinking that JK won't do anything as the group is there. He wanted to invite Nath, but was with his girlfriend (so baka hindi payagan). So, he told one sister to call Nath, na siya daw kakausap para pumayag.” I joked, “ang galing magsinungaling ah, parang sanay na sanay ah.” JK replied, “oo naman, sa 7yrs ba naman, hindi pa ko marunong mang uto, ewan ko na lang.”

Then 2 persons already went home, which leaves 3 including JK still at my house. The two were too drunk/sleepy to go home, but I insisted for JK to take them home. JK replied, "tulog na yang mga yan sa alcohol, mahirap na gisingin. Kaya, akyat na lang tayo sa kwarto mo, matulog na din tayo." He went to the stairs. I said, "ikaw, umakyat ka pero hindi ako aakyat. Bahala ka."

He then grabbed my hand and took me outside where he hugged me while caressing my butt. He gave me a backhug saying, "dito na lang ako matutulog." putting his head on my shoulder. Slowly, I felt his hand going inside my shirt. I touched his hands and said no and went inside. I told him it's getting late that he should wake the two boys and go home. He sat on the chair and motioned me to sit on his lap. I said no. He stood up, and put my hands on his head. I grabbed his face with both of my hands and asked, "what do you want ba?" He said, "ikaw?" I whispered to his ear, "we really cannot cross the bridge, I'm sorry."
He went to sit again. I sat also. He then put his arms on my shoulder and was able to put his hands inside my shirt, and touched my boob saying, "in fairness, makinis ah."
He then again went outside, I followed and asked him to go home. I can sense that he has no plans of going home until we do something else, so I just gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "next time na lang." Thinking that there will be no next times as I can just avoid him after this night.
As soon as I said that, he went to fix himself, wake the two boys, get his bag, and went home.
That Sunday morning, he messaged me about that "next time."

Due to this, I tried to avoid him by talking to him only when it is about important CLP concerns, which is practices (every Wed) and the main event (every Fri).

JK wanted for us to meet even without SFC activity. He even got excited with the idea of out of town trips, which I thought was in groups, but apparently what he wanted is out of town trips just the two of us.

Oct 19, JK messaged me, inviting me to drink. As I was afraid that another incident will happen, I pretended and replied that I was sick. He then messaged me if I can modify his resume for his job applications abroad. I thought he really needed help in his resume, so I agreed to meet him a week after to fix it.

Oct 26, I treat the group for my birthday dinner. I initially planned just a dinner without alcohol as I know what might happen between JK and I. However, one sister invited us to her house and that we could not refuse. The drinking session ended pretty early. As usual, we were walking home, it ended with just JK and I. He started to give me a peck/light kiss on my cheeks while saying happy birthday to me.
I told him "wag mo na kong ihatid" and pushed him away. I continued walking by myself. As I turn to the street near my house, I saw JK still standing where I left him, looking at me then said, "hindi nga, uuwi na ko." with eyes that will not take no for an answer. I stood there looking at him, and JK looking at me for a long time until I gave up, held his arms and said, "oh sige, tara na." As soon as he opened the gate to my house, he said, "I'm home!" with a full smile on his face.

As I reached for the housekey, JK stood against the door, grabbed my hand, and started kissing me, heavy kissing, like there's no letting go of my lips. It was so deep and long that JK left me a huge kissmark, big enough that made me wear a face mask at work for 5 days to hide it. There was touching all over the place. While kissing, he then slowly slides his hands inside my shirt touching my boobs and tries to take off my bra.
We went inside the house and to my room. He lay on my bed and motioned me to do the same. We continued the makeout for quite a long time. He wanted to use his fingers on my vagina, but I stopped him, and told him it's a no, and that he should go. He said, "hindi ako aalis hanggang hindi pa ko tapos." By the moment, he's into sex, I stopped him and sat on the bed. I told him that we should really stop. I said, "JK, itigil na natin ito, kasi may girlfriend ka kaya." (And I was then having a complicated relationship with someone). His answer shocked me that I just sat at the edge of the bed for a long time. JK said, "eh may boyfriend ka rin naman ah. Baka nga kayo ng boyfriend mo mas grabe pa dito ginagawa ninyo.” So, I asked, “eh kayo ng girlfriend mo?” He said, “oo naman, 7yrs ba naman.”

As I still sat on the bed, not moving, he remained lying on the bed like he was sleeping. I let him sleep for about two hours, and woke him up after and that he needed to go. He went to the toilet. I thought he will go home, but he went back to my room, lifted me up to lay me on the bed and started his heavy kissing. He swerved his whole body and started pumping on top of me with our clothes on. When he's done, I said sorry and told him I really cannot give him what he wants. He said, “pinagbigyan na nga kita eh (by just sleeping), next time…” Then, he went home.

Since then, if our topic is not SFC-related, our chats became “maharot na.”






Since then, JK and I somehow have our code, “jak en poy” means makeout, heavy kissing with touching. While “next time” means to have sex.





Since then, every day kinukulit na ko ni JK as to when can we finally do it, when will be our “next time.” I've been avoiding the act by making excuses, that I had to work overtime or I have personal na lakad with my friends, or that we don't have a place to do it.








         











JK was standing at the gate of the house. I asked for his hands, to see if it's true. His hands are really clean, without those black grease he always get from work and well-groomed. Hinatid ko na lang siya pabalik. As we walked in the pathway, we stayed for a few minutes to a dark part to kiss with his hand caressing my vagina. He asked when will my roommates leave and I said in the early morning.

And so, it was the morning of Nov 1, 2019 when JK and I had our first sex.
I admit that I liked what we did and that I did it with JK, for he was a gentleman in bed. Though, it was just a quickie, as both of us had to go to our own provinces for the holidays. However, I know that it is wrong, and I hate myself for doing it. But, then felt satisfied and guilty at the same time.
I started to think about what JK and I were doing. The first hug incident, I thought that maybe he needed comfort due to his struggles with LDR. But then, we often engage in makeout soon after that with his invitation to go all the way to sex. Until finally, we did it.
Nov 8, JK went to my house to ask me to edit/check his resume that he'll be applying for a jobfair. I edited his resume and created a cover letter for his applications.
3 weeks passed without any makeout and invitation to have sex. But our friendship was still there. We still see each other in gatherings and still chat with each other. So, I thought that maybe that was just a one-night stand. We never talked about putting any labels on what we were doing. It also seems like JK doesn't want to have a serious talk about us.
I decided to browse your fb (It was Kimberly Jean Andaya, then Kim Andaya) to give me a clue to your status with him. Kung cool off or was there ever a break in your relationship with JK during the times that we were doing it. You posted a convo with caption: balakajan 😂😂😂
One asks: baket ang luwag mo sa jowa mo, eh kung magloko yan
One answers: (something like) malaki na siya, alam na niya ang tama at mali. Kung hihigpitan ko siya… Kung magloloko siya…
Your post somehow says that you are giving him the freedom to do whatever he wants. I thought that maybe you both agreed to be “maluwag” on each other considering the LDR situation that you are in.
So, I was somehow not surprised when after 3 weeks (Nov 23), right after the last CLP,



At the back of my mind, I was really confident that we can't have sex this night because I did not tell him that my roommates were still in the house. I only plan to drink and some makeout.


When he got to my house, he went straight to the stairs. I stopped him and surprised JK, laughingly and jokingly said that we have no room and we can only stay in the living area. He jokingly said, “sabi mo walang tao, ang dami ko pa namang dala (condom). Plano ko nga magstay until 5am eh.”
He had no choice but to sit on the couch with me. As I was trying to open the can of rootbeer, JK was just touching my hair. He then whispered, “sa banyo na lang tayo.” I looked at him and saw that he was serious.
We both went inside the toilet and had sex there. After that, we went in the living area, where there is small kutchon and continued having sex. It was definitely a long night. It wasn't like the first. JK was not in a hurry at all and seems to be enjoying it as well.
After that, we went back to sit on the couch as he wanted to stay until the morning. We talked a great deal about each other. He talked about his kapatid na pinapaaral niya, his adventures with his friends, and how he wanted to grow in the automotive industry. He asked about my family. We were laughing and having a really good time. It was definitely a good night.

Dec 2019 was a busy month for the both of us with work and other things.
It was Dec 7 when JK messaged me that he has plans of going to UAE, possibly early next year.
He  did not commit to SFC as he needed to do extra job to earn for his visa and plane ticket expenses. Even though both of us were busy, our communication is still there. He would often update me about whatever preparation he was doing for his applications abroad. He even asked me if I know of people na pwede niya sabayan as he plans to cross country to reach UAE. He even asked if I myself have plans, “para ikaw ang huling kasama ko before ako pumunta ng Dubai.” Unfortunately, I have no plans yet in the next two to three years.






This Christmas vacation gave me time to rethink about this whirlwind romance I ended up having with JK. Lalo na when he posted this:

I really wanted to know kung ano bang plano niya. Sa amin. Dito sa ginagawa namin. I wanted to know kung nagcool off ba kayo around Oct-Nov 2019, during the time na sobra yung pangungulit niya at nagsesex kami. At nagkabalikan ba kayo ng Dec for him to post that?
But I never got the chance to ask because JK never wanted to talk about it. I never know the answers. Later on, hindi na rin naging importante pa sa akin na malaman yung mga sagot dahil I'm starting to realize na hindi ko na ginugusto na ituloy pa itong secret affair na ito.

My Side of the Story (Part 2 The Rising Action)

My Side of the Story (Part 2 The Rising Action)

As far as I could remember, I met JK around March 2019.

My first meetings with JK, mostly during music min practices, were just like the usual interactions I do with the other brothers, like how I treat almost all of the brothers in SFC. I would willingly and gladly help out musicmin, where he was one of the heads, as a favor Sis Mara, his partner-musicmin head, asked from me. JK and Mara took care of the musicians. I was assigned by Mara to manage the singers.

Music min practices were a routine around April to June of 2019. After work, I head straight to the practice venue where JK led the practice, and I would help out. Almost every after practice (every Wed) JK and I walked together as we have the same way going home. This is very common in SFC, to walk home in groups. Other members who live near our houses also walked with us.

Music min practices went on. Then I noticed difference in JK's treatment and interaction towards me compared with the other sisters. To my surprise, he appeared to be jealous of the brothers I am close with.

I noticed, JK seemed to be jealous of bro Darwin. Darwin and I are really really close friends for almost 5 years now, that we are really very comfortable with each other. I remember, one practice,  I went there very late as I had to work overtime.  I was really exhausted and sat beside Darwin.  I put my head on his shoulders to rest.  Lo and behold,  JK stood beside me,  grabbed and held my free right hand. I thought he was going to say something,  but he never did. And so,  I pulled my hand away from him but he was holding my hand a bit too tight.
 I honestly couldn't understand that gesture.

JK seemed to be jealous of bro Ket. Ket and I became friends since 2018. He was an engineering graduate and took the board exams twice but failed both. And so, on one assembly, Ket was there, as we go home, I asked if he'll be taking the next board exam. Ket whispered to me yes, but to keep it a secret, as he was very nervous about it. So, being a board passer myself, I whispered to Ket tips on how I think he can pass the exams.

Then someone shouted my name from the back, it was JK. He told me he wants to have dinner with me. I thought it was a group dinner, and JK noticed that I don't like the idea of just the two of us over dinner, so he said that Jess will join us. I sat beside Jess, and JK was seated in front of me. JK started asking me about Ket, and what we were talking about. He asked also about my relationship with the other brothers. I told JK "magaan agad ang loob ko basta SFC brothers kasi mababait naman kayo."
JK told me "sige lang, magharot ka lang sa mga brothers, pero sa akin ka rin babalik sa huli."

JK's last statement got me so confused, I just laughed it out loud. But then he confirmed it even more by saying, "oo nga, sa akin ka babalik sa huli." while staring at me with his very serious face, like he really mean what he just said.

Pero hindi ko na lang pinansin. After all, I'm dating someone.

June 26, 2019, the last musicmin practice where JK was the music min head, at the final gathering, we were standing in a circle, JK's musicmin head-partner, sis Mara, said her goodbyes by saying, "sana magkita kita pa tayo ulit." Then JK said, "ikaw din (calling out my name) sana magkita pa tayo after this." Again, I just laughed it out loud.

July 2019, on one of our walks, JK asked me about the job that I do.  I told him I'm a part-time language tutor.  JK asked me if I could tutor him conversational English as he was planning to apply to a car company with a German employer who speaks English.  I thought it was a sincere favor. So, I told him I will send him an e-book on conversational English,  but found out we were not FB friends,  nor messenger,  nor do we have each other's phone numbers. So, he sent me a friend request, and I accepted.

And so that was how we became messenger/fb friends.  I sent him the e-book and asked him to study it. I asked if he wanted the tutorial to be one-on-one, where we will meet and I will give him modules to study. But he told me that he doesn't have the time, so if I could think of a way where he can learn. So chatting became the way for the tutorial for him to improve his English. We started to chat, and I would ask him questions in English and expected him to reply in English as well. I would correct his grammar and his spelling. We became regular chatmates since then.

Then after several weeks or so, he told me that his plan changed in that he plans to go to the Middle East instead,  and that he found out from his friends,  who already works in the Middle East that English is not the first language. And so,  somehow the English tutorial stopped. But the friendship, somehow started.

On one of our walks, I was talking to bro Nath about the road construction along the street near my house. Nath already came to my house because we practiced there a few times for a group presentation that we did back in 2018. Then it seemed that JK was jealous with the idea that Nath already went to my house. Then JK said, "one of these days pupuntahan kita sa bahay mo tapos, iEnglishin kita ng iEnglishin."
I just laughed it out loud as usual.

At first, I honestly did not know JK, and know nothing about him. The time he became SFC was the time I was an inactive member.

Because of all these confusing actions of JK to me, I told one of my sister-leader about all these actions of JK towards me. From there, she told me that from what she knows, he has a longtime girlfriend. (Ayun naman pala, may girlfriend. So, ano yung mga ginagawa niya?)
Sis told me, "baka gusto lang niya maging close sayo kasi newbie pa lang siya. Hayaan mo lang."
So I thought, "baka nga. Baka nga ganun lang."

Kris Aquino's Thoughts on Her Breakup with Herbert

Faith in forever
“When he asks you to spend your life with him, you do say yes. Kasi naniniwala ka that everything will fall into place because of what you have; you will feel it was meant to be. You have faith in forever. For someone who just came from a heartbreak, it was so hard to believe in forever again. And you believed that he wasn’t going to play games. And you believed na meron ka ng lifetime companion.”

Kris added, “Sa trabaho ninyong dalawa, mararamdaman mo na, oo, possible pala na bumuo kayo ng samahan na hindi nakaasa sa mga pabor na puwedeng hingin or ibigay, hindi pera or posisyon ang nag-attract sa inyong dalawa, kundi nag-click ang ugali ninyo.”

The TV host-actress revealed that her sons, Joshua and Bimby accepted her relationship with Herbert because they wanted her (their mom) to be happy. However, Herbert had issues with his children, and their relationship ended.

Understanding and forgiveness
“Unexpectedly, he breaks up with you. You choose to see the breakup from his perspective because you do understand.”

“My two sons were ready to share with me in my love. Tama ang timing sa side ko,” she said.

Even if she’s still hurting, Kris has already forgiven Herbert and tried to understand his situation because she’s a parent herself. Kris admired Herbert’s gesture of personally apologizing to Bimby because the seven-year-old boy knew she was feeling bad.

“You cry yourself to sleep every night kapag 'yung dalawang anak mo ay tulog na para hindi nila makita na umiiyak ka. Then you forgive dahil kahit sinaktan ka, mahal na mahal mo pa rin siya. And kahit paano, humanga ka sa kaniya kasi ito, personal niyang pinuntahan si Bimb. Kinausap niya 'yung anak ko, man to man.”

Hopes for a reconciliation
Kris revealed that before Herbert’s TV interview. she was hoping for a reconciliation.

“Then somehow you find the strength to rebuild the friendship. And when he tells you na babalik siya kapag naayos na ang lahat ng kailangan niyang ayusin, starting with fixing himself, because mahal mo siya, aasa ka.”
However, Herbert’s statement that he and Kris can never get back together again dashed the latter's hopes.

“It wakes you up to reality na wala pala talagang Somewhere down the Road para sa inyo. And you can’t stop crying because 'yung future na akala mo, 'yung pinagdasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”

True humility
The breakup taught Kris “true humility.”
“Kinailangan ko kasi talaga maramdaman kung ano ang feeling na iwanan ka, ayawan ka. Masakit iyon talaga na ipamukha sa buong mundo, na kahit mahal mo ang isang tao, sa isang live interview, aamin siya na ayaw na niya sa iyo, hindi ka na niya babalikan. And tatanggapin mo iyon.”

Despite what happened, Kris wishes Herbert well. She feels grateful Herbert came into her life and hopes  they can still be friends.

“Simple lang yung mensahe ko, true love graciously lets go. Para kay Mayor Herbert, from my heart, I really wish na kung ano ang magpapaligaya sa buhay mo, kung ano ang kukumpleto sa iyo bilang tao, sana lahat ng iyon mapunta talaga sa iyo. Sana makamit mo iyon kasi sa iyo ko natutunan, kinailangan ko talagang matutunan. All my life I was selfish, but in you, I proved to myself na capable pala ako magmahal unconditionally.”

... when we held our hands amidst the crowd of people...
we were using our bones, muscles, and blood vessels to not lose grip.
That's all I know about love.
What else is there in love?
Except for the fact that I couldn't let go of that hand...

Di ko alam kung kelan ito naganap

rocha,

I just want you to know that I appreciate YOU. :) Thanks for the friendship and for all the laughter. Kahit saglit lang tayong nagkasama, tama ka, those moments have been wonderful. And of course I want to keep the friendship... I hope you do, too! :)

Pasensya na rin kung lagi kang bangka sa lokohan namen ni Gilbert. You just have this vibe kasi na you never take anything we say personally or against you. And we don't mean it that way din naman talaga.

I sincerely wish you find someone who'll appreciate all your quirks, coz I do. :) Hindi lang halata... hahaha Stay as cool as you are coz you make people around you happy (even at your expense :P)

True, everything happens for a reason, people meet for a reason, and even if I'm not quite sure what that reason is, I'm glad that "the universe" decided to let our paths cross. :)

Again, thank you for the friendship. :)

Kath