Stranded

June 23, 2013

How I wish na stranded na lang ako ulit sa gitna ng Pedro Gil hopelessly waiting for a jeepney ride back home in a stormy rush hour night time, instead of this kind of emotional way of being stranded.

I had that plan back May 2012 to move forward with my life; trying my hardest to go away from you, to have that enough distance. Richard, on one hand, last school year, initiated that plan for according to him, he read my plan in my aura. He taught me how to gradually move on which I did eventually as I tell myself.

I did. I have moved on. Frankly, I have moved forward.

I did many things as Richard advised me. It was definitely a conscious effort. I did many things. As much as I could, I try not to think about you and not to have special feelings for you, to no longer invest emotions. I consciously lessen talking about you or asking people of your status or of your day to day activities. I accumulate all material things that remind me of you, things that you gave me and put them all to trash.

Even in my dreams, I try not to dream about you. I tried not to put any special meaning to things that you do towards me and that I always remind myself whenever that happens that you also do that to other people and so I am never special, I never was. I venture on a spiritual journey too, thinking that it might be the problem.

I am letting go of you. I let go of you. I have to move on. Or so I thought.

Until that fateful summer afternoon.

I give you the benefit of the doubt that you really did not see me- that it was a blind spot. And that seeing me across the road was never a probability.

But you gestured a 'hi' through your hand that broke the imaginary line of the road. You have too many questions about me as if you want an update. I guess I must blame myself for making you believe that we are friends.