Here's the Thing

             I'm the kind of person, whose every day life should, must, and always has an objective, a goal to achieve, a plan. But aside from that side of me, I always welcome accidents. It may appear ironic, but hey! life, as they say, is ironic in itself. I may freak out at times and panic, because my plans will be ruined by these accidents, but hey, again, it's my defense mechanism working. Freaking out and panicking makes me feel alive. It's my body's way of recovering from stress and changes. I'd be dead if I will not feel anything if I'm hurt or got shocked or much more surprise from the dynamism of life. That would be pitiful. Regardless of it all, I still welcome those diversions. I believe that it's God's way of telling me that my plans should not be my plans in the first place. That I should make a left turn. That what I first believe to be right maybe wrong. That maybe, it's God's way of telling me that my plans are not good for me, that I might be in trouble if I would still stick to my plans. That it would not be safe for me. 

              I welcome accidents. This is the main reason or I would have to say that this is the only reason for most of my life-changing decisions. I am afraid of many things yes, but in the event that I really feel that God wants me to deviate from my plans, I suddenly became courageous. I become decisive. I became calm and faithful. That's why, I applied at St. Mary's, even though, I was just waiting for the training at an editing office. Because I felt that God wanted me to be here, to work here, to grow here. Regardless of the fact that yes, Collie did brought me to this school.  And working at SMA wasn't included in my plan. I never planned it. But as I came to realize, I think that God used Collie as His instrument for my epiphany that SMA is my place and not some editing office at Makati. Collie and I were not that close back in college! Yes, we were friends, as I'd like to assume back then, but not that close. And there she was and texted me to apply for a teaching position. 

                   Regardless of whoever brought me at SMA, out of some fate, faith, or mere coincidence, IT WAS A DECISION I MADE WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I CHOSE for myself to be at SMA. I could have declined Collie's offer. I could have ignored the vacant spot. But, I DID NOT. Whether it be out of some divine intervention, I am now working at SMA and I BROUGHT MYSELF IN HERE.
                    Regrets, I had a few. But, I regretted the decisions I made according to my plan. I would have to say that so far, in my life, I have not yet regretted the decisions I made out of the accidents that come along my way. Life has its own way of surprising me, and if I was surprised, I am joyful. Why would I regret a decision that brought me to my happiness? 
                     Which led me to thinking that according to my plan, 4 years ago, I should take my resignation from a private school after two years of work. That was the plan. According to the plan, two years is enough to gain experience and that I should serve the public school system. 
                     So, I'm almost done with my two years of experience, is it time? I don't know. I have not yet felt any intervention from God. Should I wait a little bit more for God's message? As far as I can remember, Collie's "intervention" came just when everything seemed to be final between me and the editing firm. Should I really wait of whether to finally go or to still stay or am I running out of time to go? Questions. Doubts. Confusions. However, it seems to me that my co-teachers are cool with my resignation if ever.  I don't feel any STRONG sense of holding me back. They don't seem to want to stop me. Or I guess, I just sounded not too serious about it, although I am.