I guess you wonder why I wrote to you, thinking that I could just talk to you, face to face, eye to eye of whatever. I guess, I chose to write because our work has given us no time, even a few minutes for a talk, I mean, a serious one. Our work has not given me the chance to talk with you and express my perspective of some things that I would say occurred just between the two of us, o sige, isama na natin si Collie.
So, I was being hopeful here, that in the event that out of some circumstance, you would, have a few minute, much more a chance to read this and not to make a comment but rather I appeal that you would reply, not in a spoken manner, but as also in the form of writing for I don't think I am ready for a face to face encounter. I am hoping you would take the time to say whatever. I would gladly appreciate if you would.
How should I begin? I believe relationships occur if people have the same dreams. With these dreams, they travel the same road. Regardless of the fact that we started out from two different roads, because you brought yourself at SMA, while I was brought by Collie. But I'd like to tell you that it was still my decision to be where I am now. I would say that like you, I also brought myself at SMA. Our roads, though they may seem parallel at first, still diverged, intersected.
I thought, we had that relationship- a friendship I must say. I thought I found a new friend in you. I thought we are dreaming dreams. Well, not exactly the same dreams, but I thought we wish well each other. But, now, I don't know. I just want to tell you that after all these months of being acquainted with you, as Ms. Yhel said, "I thought you are my friend." I don't know. I just had that emotional awkward feeling after the IFP sharing session. I really felt like a piece of crap being thrown away. Which a friend would never make the other friend feel that. I felt, you are giving me away.
Hindi ako nagpapapigil. Hindi. I just thought that I could get some compassion from you, since we already told you about the "hurt" that Bubbles brought to us. I thought you already experienced na mahirap maghanap ng trabaho. I thought alam mo na masakit para sa amin na iwan kayo dahil hindi naman kayo ang dahilan ng pag-alis namin.
I thought this almost two years of working together was enough for you to be a sincere friend, like I am to you. I guess, I thought wrong. Is it really that difficult to earn your trust? Ano pa bang kailangan kong gawin? I may never know how fleeting it feels to be appreciated by Bubbles for he never have done that to me. So, I guess, I may never understand your actions. But, I'm trying my best to care for you, to understand you.
So, I hoped that you could just have that compassion, or sensitivity or even a little sympathy towards my pain, even to Collie, no matter how apathetic she is.
Are we just mere personnel here? Are we not friends? Because all this time, I thought we are? Iniisip ko tuloy, siguro kung may mangyayari sa aking masama, you won't even bother to care. I am not asking you to always look after me. We both know that I can take care of myself. All I'm asking is for you to care- be a friend, my friend. Is it too much to ask?
Isa pa, minsan ang weird mo. Minsan okay tayo, minsan naman may "awkward" moments. There are times that magkakatinginan tayo na para kang may gustong sabihin. Kakulangan ba sa oras talaga ang dahilan? Hindi ko alam kung dapat din ba ako sisihin dito. May nagawa ba ako? Kung meron, ano iyon? Para kang nahihiya sa akin. Nahihiya ka sa isang kaibigan. There are times you make me feel like a stranger! Nakakalito ka!! Nakakalito 'yung actions mo! Alam ko na alam mong ayokong nalilito. That's why I wish to understand what's happening to us. Although, at one end, I will not be able to totally understand you because of gender differences, but at least, if you will shed some light into this, no matter, how slow learner I am, I will understand. I will do my best not to escape.
Sincerely,
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