Muntanga lang, Ansabe

Well, this meeting is entirely personal not professional. At sana lahat ng maririnig mo galing sa akin, you will listen and not just hear things, na parang pasok sa isang tenga at labas sa isa. Gusto ko na kasi talaga sabihin ang lahat-lahat.

Ano ba 'yung disclose? It's to reveal something, so parang ganon yung gusto kong gawin ngayon, which concerns you, actually You and I, the both of us, this is not even about Collie.

Sana rin magkaroon ka ng open mind and open heart sa lahat ng words na kakawala. Ayokong masayang ang 'moment'.

I'm afraid of many things, alam mo 'yan. Pero, matagal-tagal na rin kasi na-oocupy ng mind ko ang mga bagay-bagay. May mga misteryo sa buhay ko na hindi ko mahanapan ng sagot hanggang ngayon. May mga nangyari sa buhay ko before na until now iniisip ko pa rin, na parang bitin yung mga nangyari. Nakakalito. At sa tingin ko, matutulungan mo akong mawala iyong misteryo nila.

Una, kasi parang ako yung dahilan kung bakit na-ruin yung buhay mo sa MA.

Tapos, nung summer, 'yung first day of classes pa lang, ewan ko, if you still remember, 'yung nag-lunch tayo sa KFC. The place reminded you of your last date with your ex-girlfriend. I asked you if you want to go to some place else, but you insisted na dun na lang. Tapos, while eating, you mentioned that your first girlfriend's name starts with the letter K, then the second one starts with R, then your last is Kate, that I know. Tinanong mo pa ako kung hindi ko ba nakikita 'yung pattern. Syempre, hindi naman ako pinanganak kahapon para hindi maisip na kahit ang nickname ko starts with R, kung 'yun nga ang pattern na sinasabi mo, pero, I said to you, "maybe, it's time for you to choose another letter from the alphabet. Why don't you try A. B.. C..." Parang paminsan-minsan kasi, sumasagi pa rin sa isip ko 'yung moment na 'yun. Sabi ko nga 'yung utak ko hindi mabilis makalimot. Na gusto kong itanong sa'yo ngayon, although alam ko wala na naming bearing pero, ano ba 'yung nangyaring conversation na 'yun? Hinihintay mo ba na i-joke ko na sabihing "'yung pangalang Rose- Anne starts with R gusto mo bang i-bridge kita."

Tsaka, nung isang quarter tayong hindi nagpapansinan. Hindi pa natin 'yun pinag-usapan. Actually, never natin in-express kung ano nga ba ang nangyari, for the sake of Christmas lang at dahil may prayer service, kaya tayo, well, naging maayos.

Pero, bakit nga ba bigla na lang hindi kita pinansin. Kasi nga hindi ako ipinanganak kahapon para hindi malaman ang mga nangyayri sa paligid ko. At alam ko na alam mo kung ano akong klaseng tao. Na nalulungkot ako. It pains my heart really, kapag may nagbe-break, kapag may naghihiwalay. Tapos, nababalitaan ko 'yung sa inyo ni Ms. di ba?

Hindi ako ganon ka-tanga. Marami nga akong hindi kayang gawin pero hindi ako ganon ka-tanga. Somehow, you disappoint me. Para ka ring si V. pareho kayo. Sinaktan niyo ako. Out of all the people na akala ko kilala ako. Kaya gustong-gusto ko talaga magresign ng mga panahon na iyon eh, kasi iniisip ko na ayoko magpa-under sa isang boss na nagpapakatanga sa isang babaeng committed at publicly, aminado naman siyang may boyfriend siya.

Nagpapakatanga ka sa isang babaeng hindi ka naman kayang mahalin talaga. Kaya kung kay V. hindi ko nagawang puntahan 'yung kasal at binyag, ganon din ang defense mechanism ko sa'yo- avoidance. In my point of view, 'yun talaga ang dahilan ko kung bakit hindi ko magawang makipag-interact sa'yo.

Every time na nakikita kita 'nun, nalulusaw 'yung hope ko sa konsepto ng love. Akala  ko kasi, you are different from them. Akala ko, you are a better man than they are. Akala ko maisasama kita sa bilang ng mga ideal man ko. Eh, hindi eh, kaya na-disappoint ako. At nung na-disappoint ako iniwasan kita, hindi ko kaya eh, hindi ako ganon ka-plastic.

Pero, bakit ngayon, parang okay ka na sa akin.

Kasi kakapakinig ko sa mga Christian talks, sa mga reflections, sinasabi na how many times will you have to forgive your brother, seventy times? God said, seventy times seven over.

Siguro nga, talagang hindi ako ganun ka- heartless para iignore ka forever. Time lang siguro talaga ang kailangan ko kapag nadi-disappoint ako. Parang kagaya ngayon, ito na 'yung moment. Lahat-lahat eto na. Para at least masabi ko sa sarili ko na kung anuman ang maging final decision ko this January, kung bibihira na lang tayo magkita or entirely hindi na tayo magkita, at least nasabi ko na na-express ko sa'yo lahat.

Na matutulog ako at hindi na magigising na iniisip 'yung mga bagay na ito. Sana makakuha ako ng makabuluhang sagot sa'yo, violent reaction or kung anuman.

Stay

 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

So, what do I want to do or what do I want to happen after asking him to read the blog? 
Nothing. 
I'm just glad that he took the time to read it. 
I had hoped things could have been resolved, closure as they call it, but life has its loose ends, so smile

She sat beside me
(As much as I really mind her sitting)
but was too polite to refuse

Living Dead Stars

            Alfredo Salazar was disillusioned to the concept of love much like what happened to me. For those who do not know, Alfredo Salazar is a fictional protagonist of the short story, "Dead Stars". In the story, Alfredo thought he is deeply in love with Julia, his childhood sweetheart. But then, no. He was not. He was just disillusioned. 
            I, too, was disillusioned. "Nasaktan ako dahil sa maling akala." But, what I am thanking, still to God is that before anything destructive happens to me, I was able to revive myself that easily. 
            I thought we were... but no...there was nothing significant for the both of us. I guess, I just really have to be contented with that. 

Lingering Stare

            I find it kind of intriguing to find something insightful about KC Concepcion's interview regarding her break-up with Piolo. She said na maraming beses na daw niya pinagbigyan si Piolo and she always ended up submitting herself to him, always be the one to be enthralled by Piolo's   stare. She said (and this I came to realize), hindi pala dapat lahat nadadaan sa kilig. "Isang titig lang ni Piolo napatawad ko na siya."

           

Not a Man, Not Yet a Father

Sa hapon ng ika-second day ng succeeding suspension of classes, dumating na naman ang transient visitor namin sa bahay na si Sir Mark. Tinanong lang naman niya ako kung paano ko nalaman na suspended ulit ang classes. Sabi ko, “eh, 6:00 (am) na kasi, natutulog pa rin si Joan, so, inisip ko na suspended na ulit ang classes.” “Hindi ka tinext ni Jefry?”, sunod na tanong niya. Umiling ako.

        At ayon, inasar na nila ako. Si Ms. Endaya daw kasi, kahit na 5:30am na at late na kung tutuusin, tinext pa rin sila to inform them that officially classes at SMA-P was suspended. Tapos, after a few minutes, Mara texted me a forwarded message from Sir Tan informing us of the class suspension.

        Tapos, nakwento pa ni Joan na tinetext daw sila ni Ms. Endaya para kamustahin sila, kung binaha ba sila? kung ayos lang ba sila?

        Naitanong ko tuloy sa sarili ko kung sino ba talaga ang may alam ng sociolinguistics. Hindi naman sa nagkukumpara ako o naglalabas lang ako ng sama ng loob sa asaran na nangyari. Pero kasi “words are powerful” sabi nga ni Father.  

        At first, I thought na ako lang ang hindi niya tinext for an unknown reason. I thought pa nga that he assumed since roommates naman kami ni Joan sa apartment eh malalaman ko na rin ang balita. So, I don’t need his text, anyway. Eh, it’s just that, after a few minutes, I received a call from Romynna asking kung may pasok o wala. So, apparently, I’m not the only one from the area who was- I don’t even know how to put it, uhm, taken for granted??? Just a simple text lang naman eh (we are not waiting for a call- we know it’s too much to ask), from our boss, is it too much to ask na naman ba?

           Come to think of it, ako, at least I have Joan and/or Mara to inform me of short notices and announcements. How about Romynna? or his other teachers? Who will they turn to? We are not students anymore na naghihintay lang talaga sa announcement sa TV or radio. We are his teachers.

        Which led me to thinking that, perhaps, wala pa talaga siyang Fatherly instinct, (is there such a thing in the first place?!) pero instinct nga eh, meaning innate to humans. Fatherly instinct to care for his subordinates.

        Which led me to thinking na eldest siya in the family, so, he must have that Fatherly instinct. Pero, bakit ganon?! nakukulangan lang kasi ako sa mga bagay-bagay.

Unrequited Love

Earthquake like death is inevitable.

My heart comforts itself

Of solitude

Of independence

Of self-love

But, your gestures,

sweet and kind

unconscious of you

released a tsunami in

my heart and mind.

Suddenly, My heart craves

For possession

For dependence

For love-Your love.

Waiting for your aftershock.

My mind failed to predict the shakes.

Though, my heart was the only one

Fully aware

Of the plate moving.

You remained

Sweet and kind

unconscious

Everything for you is platonic, still

Should I continue to wait for it?

Or is it high time for me to evacuate?

*inspired by Alfredo Salazar in Dead Stars

Carpe Diem

The sudden reverberation

of Mulan’s

“Who is that girl I see

staring straight back at me…”

caused by the transmission of the wall

of the house next door

against my permissible wall of music notes

sings back and forth

my frontal lobe.

I hum nostalgia.

Set out to grab for my mirror

something

I haven’t done

for quite some time,

Nostalgia turns into melancholy for

the image I wish to see.

I, now-my reflection.

a wine forcefully aged in a barrel

not yet fit for commercial market

but, off I go.

Yet, I yearn to see

the reflection I used to be –

my image, so carefree

When drizzles put on a smile

When tempest is a delight

When ice-cream drips

alter

teardrops

When you are allowed

to blow bubble detergent.

When it’s fine to play with dirt and fire

When I am nothing but a child.

Starlight, starbright,

First star I see tonight,

Wish I may, Wish I might,

see my reflection

the once to gradually age by time.

Tell her, “It’s okay to go out and play,

Most of all, enjoy life, seize the day!

Self-Love

        This is about the third talk of Bro. Bo Sanchez in his weekly 'The Feast' at the PICC. On my way home, I planned to write my reflections in this blog if not just relay his message to 'my invisible' followers as a means of spreading the word of God. Today's theme is about self-care, actually it was SELF-LOVE. Why did he have to pursue with a talk with this theme. I mean, is it important. I mean, the topic is very easy to do, and that is to love yourself. But, no. I realized that most people, including myself, do not love themselves or rather, they do not know how.   Most people carry with them baggage or what he termed as 'toxic shame'. If a person is not able to move out from this shame, which usually occurs in his/her childhood, that person cannot practice self-love. In return, he cannot love others purely. What I like about his talk is its brevity. He just mentioned only five basic needs that people often neglect to themselves. Then, I realized that the reason why I find it hard to love other people is because I take for granted most of the needs he mentioned. I will post the basic needs which I bet most people also neglect.

5 Needs You Should NOT NEGLECT

1. You need REST. 

Each day you wake up and you should be like an engine starting to run for a scheduled long journey. Your key here is that if you wake up in the morning and you already feel tired. It means that you have not gotten a good night sleep. The purpose of sleep is to refresh you for the next day. 

And it is not just a good night sleep that he means in rest. Give yourself 10 minutes with that 24-hours a day for yourself. A time to be alone and silent. Listen to your body. It speaks in whispers and if you do not listen, it will shout at you. Think about the things that happened during the day and why do you think it happened. 

2. You need TO DREAM. 

Dreams make you wake up in the morning. Do not care much of the endpoint or your desired destination. Do not easily get frustrated or disappointed if your dreams are delayed. It's okay, if it takes a long time for them to materialize. What is more important is that you enjoy your journey along your way of reaching your dreams. 

3. You need to BE YOU.

Do not try to live with people's expectations. 

Be faithful and true to your passion, to your potentials, and to your personality.

Ask yourself, what is God's gift to you? and that is WHO YOU ARE.

Are you the talkative type of person? Then let yourself be. do not be quiet if you don't feel like being one.

Are you the silent type of person? Then continue being quiet. Use your eyes, your eyebrows, your hands, your shoulder to hug people. You do not need words to communicate.

Do you laugh out loud? Then do not control it. Laugh out loud and you give other people the permission to laugh out loud too. 

Do you cry easily? Then, cry, so that people will know that you feel for them. 

Be faithful to your weirdness and uniqueness. 

The most weird people in the world are the richest people. Your weirdness can be your way to your wealth. 

4. You need MONEY.

Do not earn only for today. Do not earn only for yourself. Earn as much as you want, and as much as you can and be a blessing to others along the way. 

5. You need LOVE. 

Love does not necessarily mean romantic love. 

You need people around you. No man is an island. You live in a society, and society means people. YOU NEED TO INVEST IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.  Give importance to your family, to your friends, (make many friends as possible). Invest in your relationships your time, energy, and forgiveness. 

It is very important that we honor our needs. By acknowledging that we neglect these needs and that we accept that we need them, we take action in practising SELF-LOVE. In return, WE TEACH OURSELVES THAT WE ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. In this way, if we love our selves first, that's the only time, we can give others PURE LOVE. 

  

World-Class

         I've been longing to engage myself to spiritual journeys, or listening to influential people talk about experiences of themselves, or of people close to them, or just a stranger, or simply just relaying a story, or what they call as testimonials. I can relate to these testimonials. They make me do a lot of things: cry or get misty-eyed, laugh, smile, sigh, and most of all, think. They make me realize that I'm not the only person in the world, experiencing their hearts being crushed. I realized that I'm not the only one who has their soul wandering and confused. With that, those testimonials made me realize how blessed and loved I am despite of the negative things that's happening in my life. They made me grateful, which make me think of not committing suicide. 

          That's why, whenever someone invites for an event of this sort, I take it as God's instrument to take me to my learning. 

           I chanced upon listening to the second talk of Bro. Bo Sanchez at PICC last May 13, 2012.  He was a very influential man here in the Philippines for Christian values and enlightenment. His preliminary to his talk is about his personal experience. He shared to us one afternoon, when his family went to Tagaytay, I suppose, that's the Tagaytay Highlands. He said they went there to eat lunch. Yes, just to eat lunch, overlooking the majestic Taal Volcano and its lake. He keeps on telling the magnificence of the view and he termed it "world-class". But his punchline was that he compared the scenario to us, people. 

           He said, people NEVER see the magnificence of the Taal Volcano and its lake because it's just a bus away from us compared to say, if we go to Paris or London, or even in the Great Walls of China, which is an expensive plane ticket away from us. The problem is that we find it very difficult to appreciate what's in front of us. We keep on looking and looking far beyond what we can't reach. Of course, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Big Ben in London, and the Great Walls of China are world-class themselves. But, what Bo Sanchez is pointing out is that we tend to ignore what we already have, which is world-class in itself. Like, our mothers, whose been with us, very near us, no matter what. Like, our trusted friends, who stayed with us underneath it all. Honestly, I like his metaphor. But this time, it is not myself that I have in mind. I thought of my dear friend as the one who can relate to this anecdote. Unfortunately, that dear friend of mine was not there to listen to the words of Bo, and perhaps, be shaken. That dear friend kept on reaching for a star somewhere out there, I would say, or more appropriately, a shooting star. But, what that dear friend of mine, takes for granted are the many people around who in reality, make jokes, because they know laughter is the cheapest medicine of my dear friend. These people stayed by my dear friend's side, because they know the importance of strengthening my dear friend's support system in this crucial times. These people care and look after my dear friend's welfare. 


        That since, my dear friend is having a hard time reaching on that shooting star but still reaches for it, my dear friend is failing to notice how many stars actually surround my dear friend. I wonder when will be the time that this dear friend of mine will reach not for a shooting star but for an epiphany that would linger? I think, only time will tell.       

Into Translation

            It was our first day of the summer class 2012 at PNU, but actually it was already the third day due to some conflicts that arose in the number of students enrolled. But, fortunately, my subjects enrolled, Translation Techniques and Phonology were not dissolved. I was expecting na laid back lang ang klase ko sa Translation all because Dr. Marquez is our professor, and as we know, Dr. Marquez is Dr. Marquez. 

           But to my shock, iba si Dr. Marquez sa Graduate unlike in my experiences with her during my undergrad with the same subject. The first day, of course, went into the discussion of Introduction and definitions of translation, then meron na siya, paunti-unti na binibigay na sample translations. 

               She asked the class to translate this, proverb:

" Love looks through a telescope,

envy though a microscope."

So, we went to literal translation muna, 

' Ang pag-ibig ay tumitingin sa pamamagitan ng teleskopyo,

ang inggit ay sa pamamagitan ng mikroskopyo.'

Pero, syempre, in translation, you have to result to getting the meaning/ idea of what you are going to translate. Sabi niya, 'so, ano ba ang sinasabi ng proverb?'

'Na ang inggit o kapag naiinggit ka, kagaya yan ng pagtingin sa microscope, nakafocus ka lang sa isang maliit na bagay na pinapalaki mo. Pero ang pag-ibig o kapag nagmamahal ka, if love reigns in your heart, kagaya yan ng pagtingin sa telescope, malawak ang pagtingin mo sa mga bagay-bagay. Nagiging open minded ka.'

Well, oo nga naman. Hindi ko akalain na maririnig ko pa kay Dr. Marquez ang isang romantic na idea na gaya nito. Sabi pa nga niya, 'try niyo yan sa buhay niyo, but, it's easier said than done.' 

Nakakatuwa na rin isipin na, nagmamahal na nga ako. Dahil, kahit ano pa ang sama ng mga pangyayari at kung ano pa man, ewan ko ba? talagang nagagawa ko pa rin makita ang ganda ng isang tao. Nagagawa ko pa rin silang mahalin, despite and in spite of. 

             

Deja vu

         Have you been in a totally new situation, yet felt it was familiar, and that you have experienced it in the past? 

              Such experiences are called deja vu.

       The term "deja vu" comes from the French, meaning "already seen", and describes the experience of feeling that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously.

The experience of deja vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and sometimes with a strong sense that one has experienced or have been in the same situation or place in the past.

It is said that the experience of deja vu seems to be very common, and that 70% of people report having experienced it at least once in their lives.

1.Deja vu could also be triggered through the five senses. 

It could be a smell, the taste of food, the decor, combination of colors, pitch of voice, background noises or anything else that triggers OLD MEMORIES. 

You might not consciously remember the original situation that brought that memory, but you remember having experienced it, and you associate it with the present experience.

2. The sight, clothing or manner of speaking of the person or persons who are with, might remind you of someone you have once met in the past.

from: www.successconsciousness.com/deja-vu.htm - 

  And I think, I did experience deja vu.

              And it gives me the creeps. 

              Parang ayoko na. I mean, okay na nga eh, pero kailangan pa ba talaga na ibalik pa kung paano tayo dati. Hindi ba pwede na same date, but different year. Hindi ba pwede na same place but different food. Hindi ba pwede na same situations pero different conversations, different jokes. Kasi, honestly, ang hirap eh. Lalo kong narerealize ang hirap na ang tagal makalimot ng utak ko. Kasi, it took me a few months para ilibing sa subconscious mind ko ang mga memories natin, both good and bad para hukayin mo ulit at muling ipaalala sa akin ang lahat. 

                  Why don't we come up with new memories to fill in to my conscious and subconscious minds? (Effort ba para sa ating dalawa iyon?) Hindi, gaya ng nangyayari ngayon, na parang ibinabalik lang natin sa dati ang lahat. Hindi ba sabi nga, 'History repeats itself to those who do not know history.' Kasi natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na dahil ibinabalik natin sa dati ang lahat ay malaki ang nagiging probability na mainis uli ako, mayamot, mairita, sa kung anuman ang bigla mong masabi. Kaya, ayoko na. Ayoko na. Nilagyan na nga natin ng scotch tape ang 'lamat', hindi ba?! 

                                  Pero, siguro nga, mahirap para sa ating dalawa na basta-basta na lang isantabi ang lahat ng mga nangyari dati, both good and bad. Dahil, parehas nating alam na may 'naganap' naman talaga. Akala ko nga nung una, ako lang ang nag-isip na may 'conflict'. Parang, huwag na lang nating pag-usapan?! Huwag na lang natin balikan?! or, kailangan pa ba talaga?!

Moments of Impact

These flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down, actually end up defining who we are.

The thing is, each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we've ever experienced with all the people that we've ever known,

and it's these moments that become our history

like our own personal greatest hits of memories that play and replay on our minds over and over again.

A Moment of Impact

- holds a potential for change,

-has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict;

sending some particles crashing together, making them closer than before:

                                        Collie, Jef, Red, and Yssa

Joan and  Sir Mark

                                    Jane and Mara

while sending others spending off into great ventures:

       Ms. Chammy and Ms. Yhel                   

                

                    Ms. Camacho and Madonna
      










                                                                      Joyce                                                                   

                           Ms. Sincioco

                         

    Sir Rod

ending where you never 

thought you'd find them:              

                                              Viel

that's the thing about moments like these-

you can't,

no matter how hard you try, 

control how are they gonna affect you,

you just got to let the colliding particles land 

where they may and wait...

until the next collision.

                                              (All words are taken from the movie, The Vow)

My Only Small Brother in the World

            Since I was a kid, the time before I reached puberty, I have always wondered how will Papa Clody will react if someone actually have the guts to court me. It made me wonder this, because I was a witness of how Papa protects his sister, my aunt Ayie, whose very young, feminine and pretty, from all those "unwanted" and "unnecessary" suitors.  

               Nasaksihan ko kung paano ni Papa sinisigurado na walang babastos kay Ate Ayie sa kanyang pag-labas ng bahay noong panahong may event siya sa opisina and she had to wear a cocktail dress. Well, back then, naiintindihan ko na kung bakit.  Siyempre, we live in Sampaloc, Manila, then, kung saan maraming tambay at naglipana ang mga yagit at pervert na mga lalaki at maganda si Ate Ayie. 

                Papa Clody was not strict, I would say, or at least I could speak for myself, that really he was not. Pero, alam mo yun. Si Papa Clody kasi iyong tipo ng tatay na kahit through implied messages niya sabihin, ramdam naming mga anak niyang babae, na siya iyong tipo ng tatay na pwedeng dumating sa point na papatay ng lalaking ,manloloko sa anak niya. Kasi, siguro, it takes one to know one. 

                   It's just unfortunate na nga lang that I wasn't able to experience that kind of protective gesture, for I was just grade three then. Mananatili na lang sa akin na isang malaking misteryo ang karanasan na ganon. 

                        Pero, hindi rin pala. After five years na pagkamatay ni Papa, ay parang nagreincarnate naman siya sa katauhan ni Jim, my only youngest brother. Sumagi pa nga sa isip ko na si Kuya Jake ang magpoprotekta sa akin eh, pero hindi pala, si Jim pala iyon. 

                              There was this one time, I was already working at St. Mary's. It was a Saturday half-day class. I scheduled myself to go to Bulacan. I arrived there around four in the afternoon. Jim was outside and saw me coming. Sabi niya, "San ka galing, teh?" Sagot ko naman, "Sa school.?!" Sabi ni Jim, "Pagkatapos ng school, san ka pa nagpunta?" sagot ko naman, "wala!?!" sabi niya, "eh, bakit ganyan?!' tanong ko naman, with matching confused facial expression, "anong ganyan?!?!?" at inulit niya pa, "ganyan!!!" 

                                     And it took me a few seconds to realize that he was pertaining to the remaining blush-on I had put on my face during the morning of that Saturday class. 

                                        Okay, I got the message. Although, confusing din pala ang ma-protektahan. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ayaw niya ba na nakikipagdate ako or what. But, I'm very happy and very fortunate that I have a brother like Jim. 

                                            I may not be able to experience that protective gesture with Papa and Kuya Jake, but at least, Jim is here to fulfill that mystery. 

* Jim, love na love ka ni Ate Red

I Trust In You

            Trust.

            I've been thinking about this concept, Trust. Is it just like faith or love or fidelity? Can it hold objectivity or is it merely a play of subjective vantage points of people. They say that our first teachers are our parents. I believe so. Our parents give us our firsts. What about those adopted or those who really under such circumstances were not able to experience parenting? I would have to say that, they learn through the first people they meet. What if parents are unprepared? would they be able to transfer to their products the kind of values needed for nation building or at least produce people who are willing to submit themselves to live a life of moral standards?

            But, I do not want to put all the blame to parents. Of course, marami pa rin talagang variables that shape a person's value system, nandyan ang genes, hereditary, rooting from the ancestors of our ancestors, ang hormones, ang gatekeepers of media, who uses power to manipulate the world for their own profit, ang social interaction, interpersonal or intrapersonal. All these experiences are the variables that define who we are. 

               

              But, I still do believe that people owe it to themselves to AT LEAST be a good person.

               Mahirap ba talaga ibaba ang pride? Mahirap ba talaga magpatawad? 

               So, just because someone did "something wrong" to you, that you felt it so grave that you are using your defense mechanism on him. Nagpopower trip ka. That's your defense mechanism. You think you can manipulate the world, exploit people, and destroy their future, just because you are seated at the right hand of the father, which I came to know, you also did some hokus-pokus. Kapag nasasaktan pala ang isang taong nasa kapangyarihan, nagpo-power trip. You take it personally, nagiging unprofessional ka na. Whatever happened to your value system? May mga magulang ka ba talaga? May surname ka naman. Pero bakit ganon? hindi mo pa rin talaga, after all these years, makalimutan ang "nagawang kasalanan". Wala ka man lang bang nararamdamang hiya sa apelyido mo. Or are you even aware of the image that you are projecting to the rest of the people around. If not, well, I'm telling you now, you are hurting them, BIG TIME. You are exploiting them! You are destroying their future! You are a representation of hell on Earth.

             How can you condemn people without much trial. Daig mo pa ang gobyerno ng Pilipinas. Ang pamahalaan nga, kahit na guilty na guilty na ang mga public officials idadaan at idadaan pa rin sa public trial. as for you, no matter how much people give their best to you, it will NEVER suffice you, for you will ALWAYS look for holes for them to fill in. Tinatanggalan mo sila ng right to dream. That's why, they'd rather CHOOSE to leave you, which for me is good for them. Wala silang future pagsilbihan ang isang taong may value system na kagaya mo. Tapos, ngayon, you're asking what went wrong? You are asking for reasons? In denial ka pa of your own rottenness!

               Have some pity on your parents for putting shame onto their names! Or should I blame them for bringing you here.