Raw Beauty

             At nagpa-rebond na nga ako. Bakit? Not because of any other reason but I just got tired of the everyday ironing of my hair. Good thing, if I own the hair iron but, unfortunately, I just borrow it every time from my co-teacher. And I also got tired of looking at my "super buhaghag na hair". So, I finally had my hair done the very Sunday, which is the birthday of my sister, Melody. I deliberately free myself from all kinds of work- school work, house work, church work (sorry, Lord), and mind work. It's time for me to give myself a break, (a long overdue one) be selfish and start thinking of my personal being. Mahal din kaya magpa-rebond noh, but regardless I did it. I just did.  

            However, it's just frustrating to see how many women also got their hair done. That I'm actually following the "fad" now. How come? Such a disappointment! I promise myself long before that I will not or never would submit myself to such fashion. Now, I see myself as one of them. I actually LOOKED like them or at least our hair are all the same, no waves, no frills and the hair going with the flow of the wind. We actually look like manequins or robots of some sort. 

           And the "tiis ganda" factor shoots the nerve out of me the very night after my rebond. Even in sleeping, the most relaxing part of my life is ruined. I have to control the position of my body so that my hair will not curl up. Ang daming bawal! Ang daming restrictions para lang maging "maganda". Bawal magbasa ng buhok for 3-4 days. After three days, ibabad muna sa conditioner bago hugasan. Bawal mag-ipit. Bawal iipit sa tenga. Ang dami talagang bawal. Pero ano ako ngayon?! I submit myself to such fashion because it pleases people. 

             Iniisip ko nga, if ever a man "falls in love" with me while having this rebonded hair, much more with a heavy make-up, itaga mo sa bato, wala siyang makukuhang matamis na "oo". I really do think right from the start that it's superficial to fall out of made-up looks. I always believe that appearances are deceiving. Kaya nga palagi akong "doubtful" if a person is good-looking or physically beautiful, I always have in mind na baka hanggang ganda lang sila. That's why, I really admire men and women whose physical beauty is exceptional yet exudes wit or talent or compassion. Para sa akin kasi, iyon ang pagiging tao dito sa mundo na kung saan ang lahat ng nilalang ay nilikha ng Diyos ayon sa kanyang wangis. 

                 Itaga mo din sa bato, na mamahalin ko habangbuhay ang isang lalaking mahal ako sa kabila ng katotohanan na putol ang isa kong kilay, na tunay na buhaghag ang buhok ko, na may scars ako, na ako lang ako. Mamahalin ko ang lalaking kaya tingnan araw-araw ang raw beauty ko. At mamahalin ko ang lalaking kaya mahalin ang katalinuhan ko kasi iyon lang ang meron ako (or minsan ang katangahan ko). I really find it unfair with men because they need not to wear make-up, need not to do their hair that much, need not to look after their curves that much. They just have to play with words to get women. While, women have to exert effort trying to look beautiful in the eyes of men to get men. So, unfair. Sa tingin ko naman, I can and must, and will and should love a man regardless of his physical handsomeness. Besides, beauty is relative. It is in the eye of the beholder. But, it seems reality's standard of beauty is the same with all the beholders. It is no longer relative.