DJ RJ

October 18, 2012

I do not like to think that everything is just a coincidence. I believe pa rin talaga that everything happens for a reason. It has been quite a long time that I’ve asked divine intervention for me to finally have the COURAGE to accept the realities of life. I’ve been just waiting. Waiting lang. I’ve been waiting for things to come and fall in to their proper place. That since I asked for divine intervention, I thought na basta na lang iyon darating at mangyayari. And voila! No need for my actions. Then I realized that life or God does not work that way. 

I believed that I was traumatized from life. That’s why I was afraid to love and fearful of the future. Nobody could ever give me any assurance about love, life, and future. But I don’t want to live a traumatized life anymore. I let all fears and uncertainties go and let God. That’s why I asked for divine intervention long ago. I thought that it’s the key to my happiness.  

But never did I ask God to personify the courage that I asked that I need to make myself grow. But God sent me an angel who FORCED me to do things I never expected or even dreamed myself of doing.

My grandmother, Nanay Rosita taught us, her grandchildren, not to love someone because of physical beauty alone. She taught me that beauty of the face is not all there is in a person. That’s why I became selective, very selective, I must say of people. Appearances are deceiving became my philosophy in life. I already have prejudice on people with good looks. And these “beautiful people” do not fail me. Truly, they are the living proof of my grandmother’s classical philosophy.  

  This is the main reason why I’m kind of doubtful to be friends with Richard at first sight. I mean, nobody could deny the fact that he is good looking and a head turner. All sorts of people (straight women and men, gay people, and married people) can attest to his handsomeness, and I was a witness many times to heads turning twice, and eyes moving up and down just to take a second stare at this young deity on this hellish Earth. It was hard for me to put my trust on people who know their physical beauty is an advantage. But after a few weeks, adding to it the fact, that we became seatmates, I came to know the personality and attitude behind the good looks. And I must say that the greatest thing that I like about him is his honesty and sincerity. They say that eyes are the windows to the soul and I saw in his eyes the truthfulness which I only need to break my wall of prejudice on him. Indeed, he is a newfound friend. He earned my trust.

On the many occasions of us going out, eating-food trip most of the time, sometimes, just walking, I shared to him the thing that’s been bothering my mind and heart for the past months. He became my confidante. He did not just listen. I’m actually getting good feedback and perspectives from him. Then finally, he did it. He pushed me to talk and speak my mind and heart out to him, to the man who must not be named. He said that it’s my only way to freedom.

I know it wasn’t easy for him to give the little push because of how stubborn I am. I felt I was still not ready yet. That it was not yet the time. That I don’t know what to say, or how to say, or that I might have the wrong word choice. I have too many reasons obviously.

Why did I do it?        

His perseverance. I felt he only want what’s best for me. He wasn’t paid by anyone. I realized I don’t want to waste his effort (the food trips, the walks, the music, the perspectives, and most importantly, his time). I really felt like he is the angel sent by God for me to realize that I can do it, should and must do it. No more waiting. This is it.