After three weeks na makapasa kami sa LET ni Collie at Isaiah bumalik kami sa Sta. Clara Church sa Quezon City for thanksgiving. We are neither religious nor devoted Christians, but we somehow have that inkling that we owe Sta. Clara and God for the divine intervention for allowing us to pass the exam, that's why we felt the urge to come back. Bumalik kami to say thank you iyon lang naman. Pero hindi lang pala ganon iyon, kapag babalik ka pala doon pwede ka pa pala magbigay ng iba namang intention through offering eggs which you can avail just outside of the church. Regardless, kung pineperahan lang kami ng mga egg vendors or it's just some form of ritualistic act for devotees, dahil masaya lang kami ng araw na iyon, because we are now licensed teachers, we bought eggs.
Ice and Collie bought for reasons I already forgot. I bought eggs for lovelife, just for the sake of fun, yung red pa nga ang cellophane na pambalot. Then, after buying, you will go inside the church and fill out a paper with your personal intentions. As I enter the church, iyong kaninang fun feeling napalitan ng serious atmosphere. Hindi na joke time ang lahat. So, sineryoso ko na talaga iyong intention letter. What I did was actually a letter and it goes like this:
Dear Sta. Clara,
I am NOT asking you to send me that someone or that special man to be in my life. All I am asking is that you would give me the COURAGE to ACCEPT the REALITIES OF LIFE. Give me moments in my life where I can be courageous enough to admit to myself that yes, I can love. For until then, if I will be able to accept the cruel and confusing reality then I know for sure that I am ready for love.
Siguro idealist din talaga ako in a way kaya mahirap para sa akin na matanggap ko na usual lang talaga ang break-up, ang annulment, ang legal separation, ang divorce, na may mga lovers lang talaga na “nawawala” na lang ang love sa isa’t isa, na may kalokohan talaga ang mga lalaki, na may naloloko at nagpapaloko, na kapag "in love" ang laki talaga ng probability na mabaliw ka, gumawa ng mga decisions na hindi naman tama, at least ideally.
So, we went home carrying with me the thought na baka mabilis tuparin ni Sta. Clara ang intention ko, kaya parang bigla na lang ako naging observant sa mga nakikilala ko. Iniisip ko everytime na baka sa kanila nakatago iyong moments. Until there came such a time that I forgot my intention, siguro kasi ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas, at hindi na rin naman masyadong big deal ang pagkapasa namin sa LET kaya nakalimutan ko na ang ginawa naming pagbalik sa Sta. Clara.
Suddenly, today, I realized na iyong mga tao pala na nasa buhay ko ngayon, ginawa pala silang "instrument" ni Sta. Clara for my preparation for love. That after all these months after that thanksgiving, Sta. Clara did grant my intentions. Oo nga, she did not give me a special man, for I did not ask for it. But, she did give me moments of realization.
Those moments made me realize na kung gusto ko talaga iprepare ang sarili ko para sa romantic love eh dapat pala handa akong masaktan, that it's either I will be the one to give the heartbreak or it will be the other way around (although, medically, there's no such term as "heartbreak" for the heart is not like a bone that breaks, a heart is a muscle, it can only be crushed, so, heart crush, hehe). Dapat I am willing to lose someone. And this is a dialogue from the series, Bones.
When you love someone,
you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth.
Maybe they'll break your heart,
maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden.
Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us, burdens which allows us to fly.
Iniisip ko pa naman na whoever will be my "man" I plan to make him my "guinea pig". I will make him part of my experiment because I wanted to prove the quote, "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return. " Wala pa man akong special man, pero parang nakapag-experiment na rin ako. Natuto ako.
*para kay Collie at Yssa (sa aking new-found friend), salamat sa pakikinig, kahit paulit-ulit na
So, we went home carrying with me the thought na baka mabilis tuparin ni Sta. Clara ang intention ko, kaya parang bigla na lang ako naging observant sa mga nakikilala ko. Iniisip ko everytime na baka sa kanila nakatago iyong moments. Until there came such a time that I forgot my intention, siguro kasi ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas, at hindi na rin naman masyadong big deal ang pagkapasa namin sa LET kaya nakalimutan ko na ang ginawa naming pagbalik sa Sta. Clara.
Suddenly, today, I realized na iyong mga tao pala na nasa buhay ko ngayon, ginawa pala silang "instrument" ni Sta. Clara for my preparation for love. That after all these months after that thanksgiving, Sta. Clara did grant my intentions. Oo nga, she did not give me a special man, for I did not ask for it. But, she did give me moments of realization.
Those moments made me realize na kung gusto ko talaga iprepare ang sarili ko para sa romantic love eh dapat pala handa akong masaktan, that it's either I will be the one to give the heartbreak or it will be the other way around (although, medically, there's no such term as "heartbreak" for the heart is not like a bone that breaks, a heart is a muscle, it can only be crushed, so, heart crush, hehe). Dapat I am willing to lose someone. And this is a dialogue from the series, Bones.
When you love someone,
you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth.
Maybe they'll break your heart,
maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden.
Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us, burdens which allows us to fly.
Iniisip ko pa naman na whoever will be my "man" I plan to make him my "guinea pig". I will make him part of my experiment because I wanted to prove the quote, "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return. " Wala pa man akong special man, pero parang nakapag-experiment na rin ako. Natuto ako.
*para kay Collie at Yssa (sa aking new-found friend), salamat sa pakikinig, kahit paulit-ulit na
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