Help Me Leave Behind Some Reasons to be Missed

I’m here because not all teachers are teaching, some are editors.

It’s a totally new environment; a 9-5 desk job, which for the most time, I seem to take preference in, an unfamiliar chartered jargon that I still have to get used to, working with co-introverts and dealing with their set lifestyles as if seeing a reflection of my own before you let me experience a little spontaneity.

I must say, there are a great deal of men workers here, which ironically remind me of you because none of them, and I say this in combined pride and frustration that still no one can compare to your Prince of Persia-like handsomeness.

 

I wished that we talked lengthily that night, not like what happened that night-pressured and rushed. But, I guess, this is the best that I can do. This is the best that we can do for now. This is the best that we can think of to do for now. This is the best kind of effort that we can only think we can do for each other. 

I want to apologize for being out of touch.

I have been re-assessing myself lately. I have been thinking about us a lot, all our moments (everything in it, but mostly, the happy spontaneous ones). I thought our relationship is the kind that can survive anything and can last our lifetimes.

 

…This distance has given me a lot of clarity.

That last year, honestly, I can barely breathe, let alone, think. It’s like I did things so spontaneous, I did not even have enough time to think like I merely do things because you want me to. I can’t say that I wasn’t happy then, because I was to the point of elation. But I felt like my happiness back then is superficial. Lately, I did realize that relationship with you was self-serving to your interest and whim.  

 

The sadness this distance has brought me time to think and breathe- breathe on my own terms.

Before I left you from where you are, you said some things that I try not to hear, (that I still couldn’t get a clear grasp of) but now, I think you were right, if a relationship can't move forward, it withers.

I’ve been waiting for you to decide, but sometimes not making a decision is making a decision.

All I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to worry about me. I’m good! I’m really good. And honestly, I think it’s better this way.

PS.

What stopped me?

I don’t know. A lot of things.

Devotion to my work, loyalty to my dreams.

Any regrets?

It’s beyond my control.

Really?

I didn’t say the relationship was over.

I didn’t have to. Not making a decision was my decision.

 Most relationships are over before they end. But it’s still a death. You mourn the loss and have conflicting emotions, but often times there’s a sense of relief.