Humbled

I now knew what happened.

I was neglected, taken for granted, and unappreciated. I was trained to feel that I was a mediocre. And that whatever I do, I would always end as a good for nothing subordinate. 

So I felt worthless, down, degraded. It was my need. It is my need to feel appreciated. I need to feel that I belong and that even if I fail, I can always make up for it and redeem myself. And that they are not God and that they are not perfect because whatever they do they can never be God simply because they are not God. They are just humans, just like me, concealing behind the blinding shroud.

So I realized that it is within my nature to satisfy my own needs which were taken away from me by people who themselves have their own inadequacies, losses and frustrations of their own which by now, they made manifest and hold against their subordinates.

That’s why I believe in Plato in saying that Kings must be Philosophers too. By this he meant that those who hold the position up there, must be whole in every aspect of their humanity, otherwise, they will constantly look for their own inadequacies to their subordinates which I think would create a domino effect in a truly destructive way.

I dreamt and prayed to God that He will provide me with a new job which would give me experiences, a different one. And soon enough, He did. God truly never fails me. And as the saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” Surprisingly, I got into a very relaxed job. I felt loved and appreciated sincerely by my unassuming boss. From our interview, I already felt like worthy of the task and duty at hand of the job I still have to win the spot for. I felt and heard the fruits of my hard earned labor studying for masters. I have known my rate and it was already quite big time for me. I never knew just until then what I already have and what I can do and what I can still offer as an employee until I resigned. I pondered that resignation from the job must be really done. God really sees everything, which I mean, everything-the past, present, and the future. 

The blessings just kept on pouring and pouring that I can’t even hold them with both hands I can only embrace them. Wealth, Prestige and Happiness was mine. I cannot contain them. I’m just filled with gratitude for all of it.

And as I cannot control the outpour of graces, admittedly I became boastful and too proud. I owned the blessings. It wasn’t mine in the first place to take. I just realized now, that the blessings were given to me by God, because it was mine to give.

And so He took it away from me that abruptly. He got me taken by surprise, totally.