April 1, 2011-Epiphany

Today is the official Year End assembly of the school. It is the time when people from the administration give recognition to faculty and support personnel for the good things done throughout the school year. 
After the awarding, there was the Fraternal Lunch. Of course, Faculty 2 sit in tables joined together. I happen to go upstairs to the faculty room to get something. It’s a buffet lunch. So, Collie and the rest of the FAC 2 teachers went in line where the food was. Collie said she would get me food while I go to the faculty room. As I approached the table, I saw that there was food fit for all of us. I don’t know what to do. Actually, there was nothing for me to do except to eat the food that they had brought for themselves and for me. I finally had the initiative to get us juice; it’s just that the iced-tea dispenser was empty. So, I just find myself sitting waiting for the rest of the teachers to be done with them getting the food. 
Then, Jef told me to get a spare plate, which I suddenly realized that it was for me. 
It was a simple gesture. 
Yes, a very simple gentlemanly gesture. 
He poured me rice, just enough for me to eat. 
He just… -poured me rice. 
There’s nothing amazing to it. 
But what made it remarkable to my memory bank is that his gesture became a symbolic act for a single woman like me. I suddenly became aware of the feeling of the goodness of having someone taking care of you. I suddenly realized that I’ve been living a very independent life that I seemed to forget how it is to be taken care by someone. I realized that it has been a very long time since I felt the care of a man. 
Actually, I realized that moment that it was, indeed, a very long time that someone took care of me, and that was when I was feverish by mama (a care because she had to). I already forgot how it is to be dependent of someone until that moment. He made me full. If my memory serves me right, kulang pa ‘yung kinain ko ng araw na iyon. Pero, ayoko nang kumain. Sapat na ang kung anuman ang nailagay ko sa tiyan ko. But, he made my soul full and that was enough for my physiological needs. 
I do not know how to describe the feeling. It was not a good feeling. It was not a bad feeling either. It was a first time after so long a time of being captive with independence with myself. Yes, I know the feeling now. It was strange. It was strange enough, like I want to feel that moment over and over again, like a last song syndrome. It was strange because it was confusion and realization at the same time. All these strange feelings happening with that one single moment. A moment captured. 
Parang I became sad in a way because that moment might not happen again, for I believe that one significant thing that happens once will only happen once in a lifetime(to quote from the novel, The Alchemist of Paulo Coelho). Nalungkot ako. ‘Yun na ‘yun at hanggang dun lang ‘yun. But then, somehow, I'm grateful that I had that moment. It led me to a sudden epiphany. It led me to realize my vulnerability. Na kahit na tingin ko sa sarili ko ako si Darna eh ako din pala si Narda. I'm not invincible. I'm still human, a mortal and emotional. 
*pasintabi kay Jef, maraming salamat sa (unaware) moment*